Mitch Cole

grateful.

“If you feel too much, don’t go. There is still some time.” – Jamie Tworkowski.

I have started this year all wrong. Everything I promised myself, I have consciously ignored. I’ve drunk wine. I haven’t done any exercise. I’ve spent far too moments sat with anxiety. And I haven’t written anything.

But that’s the good thing about New Years Resolutions: they are bullshit. You don’t have to wait until the dawning of a 366th day to start something new. Yesterday is the best time to start bettering yourself.

With every failure comes a crippling sense of despair; a never-ending loop of self-absorption, bitterness and fury all whilst lacking any wherewithal to improve. But really, what are these failures if not just examples of “being”. Maybe it’s laziness, maybe it’s fear or maybe it’s pride… But I am being lazy, being fearful and being too proud. Sometimes I am grateful just to be, even if it feels like it’s never enough. Or far too much. One day, there won’t be any more time to just be.

I want this piece to be a challenge, not only to myself but to you reading. A challenge to think in a different way. I am naturally drawn to the negatives of everything. I have spent 30+ years preparing for a worst case scenario so that if (and/or when) it happens, I am prepared for any turmoil that comes with it. If it doesn’t pan out in a catastrophe, then what an unexpected joy I can bask in. This is a challenge to consciously seek out the things which bring you joy.

Gratitude is a word which is thrown around but never really picked apart. Why is being grateful so important? What power does it possess? What does it really do for a human who can only live in the moment? It’s something which is best understood in times gone by: in moments of reflection, pining or heartbreak. What would you do if somebody told you to sit and think of ten things you are grateful for in this very moment? How easy would it be to reel off a meaningful, honest list? For me, nigh on impossible.

A colleague of mine signed up to a wellbeing app which asks you a question every morning. At the end of last year, on one of our last working days together, it asked her “what do you feel most grateful for today?”. She told me it took her far too long to tune into her gratitude but she ended up with the answer: her legs. She uses them to dance. And run. And they let her walk to places she wants to see. It was an alien concept that took me the best part of a month to digest: her best friend is in a wheelchair. At one point or another, we all take something for granted which others were once grateful for. Youth. Beauty. Memory. Happiness. Freedom.

It’s not the start of the year which has made me reflect. It’s just the side route my broken brain has taken me on. Whilst there is bad in everything, and it’s far too easy recognise, I have to remind myself that there can be good in those places too. That being said, here are some of the things I feel truly grateful for. Maybe you do too.

The internet can answer nearly every question we have in a heartbeat (depending on your provider and SafeSearch settings).
Music exists and saves lives every waking minute.
Love is real. So many different kinds.
Animals are the purest souls on the planet and have absolutely no awareness of that fact.
We can heal: our skin can be mended and so can our hearts and brains.
Most lip balms really work.
You can create your own chosen family.
A lot of art is free and accessible.
Celebrating others’ successes doesn’t take away from your own.
Maths is a universal language. So is smiling.
Drag artists are the mascots of the queer community. And drag is mainstream now.
We are getting closer and closer to finding a cure for cancer.
A lot of people really care about how music is made: how it’s written, produced and delivered is just as important as how it sounds and charts.
Wearing black will always be timeless.
Accomplishments and tragedies bring us closer together. There is no light without darkness. But there also can’t be darkness without light.
Cruelty free products are fashionable and on the rise.
There will forever be an abundance of emotionally damaged female singer/songwriters. I hope that lasts forever.
People can forgive and forget.
Modern medicine works.
Our jobs are not our lives. We have so many outlets that don’t exist in a professional environment. We are learning to work to live, not live to work.
Words are powerful.
There is still some time. For you. For me. For all of us.

I have to say it again. “It’s okay. If you feel too much, there’s still a place for you here. If you feel too much, don’t go. There is still some time.”

2024 started with a whimper and not a bang. It’s taken me too long to just sit and let myself be; to think about how I feel and what I want to say. It’s taken me too long to get over the fear of writing again. It’s turns out that what I needed to focus on my gratitude was more time. And what is another year if not more time?

More than anything, and maybe for the first time in my life, I am grateful for some more time. I hope you are too.

present.

”There are two types of people in the world – those who perform and those who watch.” – Joe Tracini

Something I have become hyper aware of is my presence; in more ways than one. It’s become a chore to just “be” which is a painful irony given that I have set this corner of the internet aside to explore exactly that. It feels like this crushing pressure to be so in every moment that seeing the forest for the trees is another matter entirely. Whether it’s a conversation, a moment of serenity or an event, I cannot seem to find a sweet spot of existence.

My husband and I went to watch Ellie Goulding live recently. If anyone knows me, they know that this counts as a “Very Fucking Big Deal” and, of course, it was. Without dragging you through every moment of the two hour spectacle, we reached the end of the show and she started a speech all about being in the moment and putting your phones away. “When I started going to shows, we didn’t have phones to hide behind so, please, just dance with me for this one” she preached to the crowd. I echoed her sentiment – sure enough, when I started going to gigs, we didn’t film every exclusive and take blurry pictures from 15 metres away. We watched, we sang, we danced and we thrived. Falling on deaf ears, nearly everyone in the the first three rows whipped their phones out to hastily film what ended with a whimper, not a bang (that’s personal preference for you). What is so pressing that we have to document every waking moment of our lives? Is it that we want to share our memories with those around us? Maybe it’s that we need to feel our voice is heard and our presence is felt. “I promise you, you’ll never look at those photos again!” Ellie laughed as she started strumming away and bouncing around the stage. I’m sure she’s right.

Weeks prior, I had been to see Fall Out Boy with two friends, another “Very Fucking Big Deal”. These thoughts of being present were whipping around my head as we drove to Birmingham whilst I was battling with a niggling anxiety of having never been to this venue before. There wasn’t a moment of silence on the car ride there whilst we touched on every topic known to man, catching up after months of adulthood dragged us apart. It was bliss. And I felt present enough. We ate food, we laughed, we danced our way through two hours of nostalgic rock music, and we enjoyed ourselves. The car ride home was much quieter as I was in the back seat, tearing myself apart. Was I really there? Do I remember the music? Did the girls love the show? It’s this “post-event” evaluation which leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I have been reading up on “flow”, an idea of time passing by rapidly whilst you are doing something you enjoy. In Csikszentmihalyi’s words, flow is “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter.” Another site tells us: ‘When in a flow state, people pay no attention to distractions and time seems to pass without any notice.” This really hones in on the idea of presence, given that these flow states mean you are solely focusing on one thing. For me, it’s writing, listening to music, playing videos games: escaping. It can be anything for anyone. An inspirational friend of mine takes great pleasure in swimming through ice cold lakes and murky depths: it screams “different strokes for different folks” entirely but the way she shares her inspiration and growth is something altogether magnificent.

Maybe we are present whilst we are engaging in something: it’s just that “time flies when you’re having fun” so it feels as though it’s over before it began. What does it really mean to be in the moment? Is it the feeling of nirvana whilst you are there, one you can barely recall when you’re back to reality? Is it mementos – photos, videos, fleeting memories – you can harken back to? Time passing by is inevitable but, when it moves so quickly you are barely there, it brings up the concern of what you are going back to when the party is over.

Everything ends, that’s a given. But why am I so unsettled with the thought of things finishing? Is there some strange, repressed notion of life which I can’t face going back to? I am happy (read as: “happy enough”) with so many aspects of life: marriage, home life, career, friendships, family. Things are great most of the time. And yet, this post-fun, emotional comedown leaves me reeling. It’s becoming its own anxiety: the feeling of dread when organising time with friends because it will soon be over. Will I be an active listener whilst we’re talking? Am I taking up too much screen time, per se? How long until I can leave? How am I going to stay present in these moments when I know that they will finish and I’ll crawl back to this feeling of emptiness?

Writing this, I feel present. It’s quiet here, and dark too. There’s magic in silence and darkness. I am not clock watching or word counting. I’m just remembering, feeling and writing. A small iota of hope comes from the knowledge that this will happen again: I can feel like this again. Life is just a series of events for everyone but you are your own main character. Be present. Listen. Talk. Cry. Laugh. Sing. And feel.

We should learn to look back on these moments with more fondness and less loss. They happened. We were there. And we can make new memories after. We just have to pull from our reserves – even when we feel empty – to make sure we can live new experiences again. We may feel one way whilst we’re in the eye of the beast and another when it’s over but it’s all swings and roundabouts, as my dad would tell me. I say that with a smile on my face as I stare at the pixelated, over-edited picture I took of Ellie Goulding all those weeks ago. Maybe she was wrong after all.

nothing and everything, all at once.

“I’ve scratched off every follicle,
I’ve even torn out teeth.
I’ve peeled away each layer of flesh
to find what’s underneath.”

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. There was a line drawn in the sand a long time ago which separated me from writing anything down. It feels as though there are too many obstacles now: unrelenting fear; crippling sadness; pointless trepidation; endless bouts of demotivating chaos; as well as a desire to live a life outside of a screen.

And yet, here we are. Again.

So much has happened since the last time I let myself just sit down and type. No noise, no distractions, no direction – just me and my thoughts. That, in itself, is terrifying. Why has it been so long? Have I been so worried to write because I don’t know what will come out? Is it a conscious effort to avoid writing in case I unearth some horrible truth which I had buried? Has it been the fear of being judged or alienated because my inner monologue doesn’t align with everyone else’s? Or is it just that the idea of being alone with my brain is enough to push me over the edge again? Maybe by the end of this, we’ll know why.

I have been struggling recently. It’s easy to ask for help now – this isn’t my first rodeo, believe it or not – but writing it down, immortalising it, is something else entirely. It’s not a phone call to your mum saying you’re feeling flat and it’s not a text to your friend asking for a wine and a catch up. It’s heavier. It’s vulnerable. And it’s ugly. It doesn’t matter how much we battle to rid our society of the stigma attached to mental health issues, there will always be some kind of reaction to the word “depression”. I often wonder how that feels for others. What comes to mind when you read that word?

For me, it’s become a bird. Somedays, the heaviest albatross around my neck. Others, a visiting robin who reminds me of a loved one. It can fly quietly, almost unrecognisably, in the back of my mind or it can soar over me, whipping up a maelstrom of chaos from underneath. It feels like something I am desperate to cage but it will always leaves feathers, just to remind me it’s never confined for long. Birds, to me, are freedom and life incarnate and so maybe that’s why I have attached them to my depression: that juxtaposition might help me to better understand that without darkness there can be no light.

I’ve been feeling small and that’s where my darkness resides. It’s become this overwhelming fear and sadness that I’m not taking up any space. No doubt born from a place of insecurity, it’s this voice telling me that I am insignificant. What space am I supposed to take up? Is there a limit to how “me” I am supposed to be? Should I be letting others know about my pain and hardships or should I be inviting them to celebrate my successes? What does that balance look like? There is a constant battle between being too much and not being enough and it’s a fine line which I have never learnt to tread. Retreating inwards on yourself truly is a double edged sword: you have time to refresh, recharge and reevaluate what is going on but you also separate yourself from those closest to you. Striving for connection and reeling from validation is just as jarring: with others around, you should feel more present but with that comes to the upkeep of extroversion and confidence which oftentimes is exhausting. Why are these grey areas of “being” so difficult to circumnavigate? Have you discovered your happy medium? I’m genuinely curious, and the slightest bit desperate, to know.

Some days, I feel everything and I feel it all through a magnifying glass. Overwhelming, encapsulating, all encompassing emotions – I feel them too much. Other days, I am just a husk: hollowed out and void, numb to existence. How can there be such a dichotomy in me? The transition from everything to nothing feels too swift and ruthless: blindsiding and breathtaking. The tide settles but the sea never stays calm for long.

Being left alone with these thoughts, and individually, it can feel like we are nothing. There is a word which seems to follow me around – sonder – which is defined as “the profound feeling of realising that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it.” It’s rare to find a word which so accurately sums up an entire sensation, let alone one which can incite feelings of isolation and union at the same time. Feeling alone in the world, being lost and broken, you are a grain of sand. But together, we can become a beach. Our cumulative experiences and journeys allow us to see that we are part of something much bigger; something which is only realised when we are together. I remind myself daily that we need people and that our connection drives us forward. We, as humans, are nothing and everything, all at once. It’s weathering the storms of nothingness and embracing those moments of everything which is the fight: a battle can be won, but wars can last a lifetime.

Maybe these feelings of insignificance will dissipate as soon as I click publish. Maybe these words are my way of taking up more space and maybe they’ll make you feel some type of way. Maybe I won’t feel this way a year from now. All I know is that something has shifted and I’m ready to talk again. I can only hope you’re still there to listen.

begin again.

Something has changed.

Sometimes it feels as though everything is new whilst other times, it’s like nothing is different at all. But I feel changed.

Every single night, I lay down and feel the words settle in my body and then level out in my brain. I think of writing down every truth and hardship: the landscape poetry of my insides. Then, as always, it amounts to nothing. What is stopping me? Am I worried that I won’t feel the same in the morning? That those words will feel hollow or worse – dramatic? That I may wake up, fully formed, and regret what I shared? Am I terrified that writing those letters out will make all of this “real” again? Is there still a huge fear of judgement and rejection from those around me?

Maybe that’s the problem.
Or maybe I am the problem.
I have come full circle on a shapeless idea.

Regardless, here are the words I’ve wanted to write for so long.

I am caught in a maelstrom of swimming up from the all too familiar depths of sadness whilst desperately trying to bask in those magical moments that make life feel worth it.

On a good day, I am full of love and light: showering friends and family in adoration, gifts, quality time and meaningful words.

On a bad day, existing hurts. Every fibre of my being tells me that this thing we’re all doing – just “living” – is an alien concept. That I have to be working towards some bigger goal: some landmark achievement which will mean I leave a legacy behind once my organs are giving somebody else life and my ashes are sprouting out trees. And if I’m merely existing – not acting on thoughts, not constantly people pleasing, not dedicating endless hours to a greater good – why does it feel like a waste?

Why is there no happy medium? Why are the days of just plodding along so few and far between? Why does contentment feel like a lifetime away and yet, sometimes, I find it whilst lost in a song; in the pages of a book; in those hazy fifteen minutes of waking up on a Saturday with nothing to do? Why is it so hard to cling to those fleeting glimpses of joy and bliss, then add them up cumulatively to give my life (more) meaning?

I don’t have the answers yet but I am working towards them. I may find them all out by the next blog post. I may figure some things out as I get older. A revelation may strike me on my deathbed. Or maybe I will never find out at all.

But I can’t add another “what if” to my tapestry. I need understanding. And, thanks to my inherent and offensive lack of patience, I want it now.

When I started this blog, I hid behind others: not just because I wanted to share their stories and feel close to people but because I was desperate to eschew my own vulnerabilities. I have finally reached a place where I want to talk about them: share them: discuss them: learn from them: and work on them.

That’s not to say I won’t feature anyone else again. In fact, I hope this shift will push me to reach out to others. For far too long I have been content to exist alone: without the need for others, I have been able to let the other half of me rest and recharge before facing the world. But there are two sides to every coin and perhaps that distance between the two is what makes things feel so overwhelming.

From here on out, I want to share my thoughts with you all. The absolute spectrum of humanity: my successes and victories; my fears, worries, concerns and insecurities; my thoughts on what goes on in our heads and what it means to ”live”. I can only hope you will feel a stir of something, whether it’s an echo of familiarity or the discomfort of something new.

This change isn’t a cause for concern. The deafening silence from the blog was something to be worried about: I had retreated, covered my eyes and ears and pretended nothing needed to be done.

In fact, I feel better now. I can look back in retrospect and piece my thoughts together. I can justify my feelings and move forward, making sure my next low is not as catastrophic as the last. I can share my thoughts with you and every fibre of my being hopes that you can help.

So this is it. Beginning again. I am lost somewhere in an ocean of terror, relief and uncertainty. But one thing I am certain of is my readiness.

Thank you for everything along the way. This is a new chapter and it’s ours; together.

MORE LIKE HANNAH;

After meaningful conversations with friends, I always come always feeling inspired; reflective and motivated. The same can be said for this blog. I get to listen back to the interviews, relive the memories, pick apart what people have said and ask the whole world to celebrate them with me. Once each post has gone live, I am thrilled that more people get to read about these incredible people and get a glimpse into what makes them human.

I invite you all into an open letter to each of my guests after their final blog has been posted. I want to outline what their slices of honesty mean to me and how they better help me to understand people. If nothing else, see this as a bookmark in their story.

Dear Hannah,

Your interview was, hands down, one of my favourites. Not just because you are an incredible human with a staggering amount of wisdom but also because I got to relive all of the laughs, the silences, the inside jokes, the pensive pauses, the sideways glances and every other nuance that makes you an inspirational human. I hope that transcribed well to the blog and people got to know you on a certain level but, truth be told, this section is for me and I was full of joy writing out what you had said. Thank you for letting me in.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment I felt such a connection with you but I often think back to working in Moles together, on cheese nights, and getting our absolute lives. I was a shy, recently outed, wildly unconfident little man but there you were: this absolute goddess who pranced around behind the bar, singing her heart out to Spice Girls. You took me under your wing and inspired me from day dot. You were unapologetically yourself and that gave me the drive to find myself too. Without even realising it, you inspire so many people just by being you.

I know you say you have lost a lot of confidence and self-esteem over the years but, even talking about who you were and how you were, we both know you can find that person again. She is in there – hidden underneath layers of rejection, COVID stresses, London lifestyle and adulthood responsibilities – and she is coming right back out. You have found the motivation to search for who you are and that takes a lot of courage, time, patience and desire. You have bucket loads. It’s brave to be so open about uncertainty and, again, that has only inspired me more to delve harder into my therapy; ask more challenging questions in my interviews; and reach out to friends for answers and support. Most of all, support.

The hardships you have faced up until now have certainly shaped you as a person but you still boast this warm, funny, positive, friendly personality. I am always in awe of you. The way you hold yourself – your physicality and sentimentality – is beautiful, even down to your laugh which fills me with joy whether it’s a hearty guffaw or a tiny giggle. You could have built up this hard exterior and refused to let anyone in but the fact that you walk with your head held high, proud of your journey, will always fill others with awe. It really hit home when you were describing your jigsaw like mind and how you piece together everything: I think so many other humans do that too and being so open about such a personal thing will undoubtedly help hundreds.

This sense of community you feel is obvious. You are helping others without even realising it and I have no doubt you will continue to do this so long as you find and follow what sparks joy and makes you happy. But you are already well on your way to that discovery and I am overjoyed that you are finding little victories on your way to the bigger picture.

You, of all people, know it means to be; Hannah.

All my love, always,

Mitch
xo

HANNAH; reflective;

“Now I understand what a healthy support system feels like.”

Hannah’s interview comes to a hugely reflective end as she touches on where she has come from, where she is now, and where she wants to be. She might not have all of the answers just yet but that hasn’t stopped Hannah discussing how she finds beauty in the mundane, how her mind works like a puzzle and how she is coming to terms with uncertainty.

Hannah’s pronouns are “she/her”.

What is your biggest fear and how do you prevent that from taking over?

I have two: one is a personal fear and the other is a career fear. The personal fear may be irrational but I am terrified of my family dying and I think that is pretty obvious. And actually, on reflection, quite rational. What do I do to stop that? I just ignore it! Repress, repress, repress. It’s going to happen but we will cross that bridge when it comes. I have experience of an immediate family member dying and that was horrendous. Because I know how that felt, I am fearful of feeling that pain again. I know it’s going to happen and because I am only child, I am scared of being that alone but I, even though you can prepare yourself for that, I don’t want it to happen. I try not to think about that. The career fear is not achieving my dreams. That is one of my biggest ones. Now that I am 30, and not quite running out of time, it’s making me realise all of the pressure we put on ourselves. I am nowhere near when I want to be. The pandemic has stopped so much. My mind says “well, we are here now and nowhere near where we want to be so let’s keep trying”. I am scared I won’t be a successful actor. I think therapy really helps with that. If I think about it too much, I will spiral but it’s about finding joy outside of that. Acting is not the be all and end all. I have to find things which fulfil outside of this part of me otherwise we are [she whispers] fucked.

What is something you really want to do/start that you aren’t doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What can you put into place to achieve it?

That’s really hard! The first thing that comes to mind is that I would love to own my own flat in London but that is not something we can check back on easily. There are a lot of steps involved. Number 1 is making money and the property ladder is too hard to get on. A realistic thing? Let’s say a genuine thing is that I want to leave the pub and invest more time and money in acting. Actually! I can answer that. Something I really want to do is be a full time, freelance actor. It’s not because I really hate the pub because I am in a very privileged position where my job does allow for flexibility to pursue my acting career. It gives me stability to go off and do other things. My boss is actually my friend too which is fantastic. It’s just that the pub is not creatively fulfilling for me which makes it quite difficult to do. I would like to, at some point, give that up and put all of my attention and effort into my acting career and I am doing that now. I want to keep the same peace and control of my time in lockdown throughout my entire life because this does actually make me really happy. Why I’m not doing that now is because I am not financially in a position to be full time freelance just yet. My plan was to save enough money to support myself for 6 months so I can take a sabbatical of some sort but I need to have a financial cushion. London is really expensive to live in. When things re-open, and I get a full salary, I will save more and push harder at the career.

What type of outlook on life do you have? Where do you think that comes from?

I am quite impulsive, quite spontaneous I think. Wait. Am I spontaneous? I would like to think I am more spontaneous that I am. I am definitely still impulsive: I do move through life taking each day as it comes. I don’t do a lot of forward planning which works against me sometimes. I don’t really have a clear idea of where I am going. I know where I want to be but I am so unsure of myself in terms of how to get there. I don’t always trust my judgement in where I am going so it’s hard to navigate my way through life with a plan. I would like to be more positive even though I do have a positive outlook on life. I just doubt myself every step of the way so I I feel more cynical. Interestingly, I was having a conversation with my mum because she always says “I don’t know what happened. You were such a confident child!” And when I talk to her about my mental health, self-worth and self-esteem, she is confused because she doesn’t know where it’s come from. We share that confusion. In some ways, I am extroverted and a confident person but I think that is a front that I actually believe. I don’t know where things changed. I was a confident child and I am still am to an extent but there is so much doubt. It might be because I am not where I want to be and I’m not getting there as fast as I had hoped which is causing me to have so much doubt and feel really insecure which affects my self-esteem. I am truly a positive and confident person but, because things aren’t happening how I thought they would happen, it’s causing my to struggle internally. I am internalising the rejection I face and it’s making me doubt myself and that is where the shift has come from. I couldn’t tell you when that started but I would love to be fearless again, like when I was younger. There is such a sense of playfulness in childhood and everything is fun. There is so much curiosity and you lose that when you are older because you are bogged down by responsibility and that sucks! You’ve got to find that sense of play and silliness. That’s joy, isn’t it?

What book/album/film/artist/play has changed your life? What did you take from it?

I saw Alice’s answer to this question. [Ed: “Oh wow, you’re a fan.”] When I said I read your blog, I really do read it! I knew I would struggle with this because I will have no idea. Do you know what? The thing that got me really excited about performing. I had a VHS of “Annie/Oliver”: it was a two film VHS and I used to watch those two films all the time as a kid, just over and over and over again. I first really got excited about performance through watching musicals. I wanted to be all singing and all dancing and that matched my personality so much as kid. My favourites would be “Annie”, “Oliver”, “West Side Story”, “Chicago” (with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellwigger and Queen Latifa. LOVE. THAT. FILM.) [Hannah proceeds to sing “He Had It Coming” nearly in full]. I love a group song and dance number. It literally brings tears to my eyes. If I hear an orchestral piece of music, and I hear that choir of voices, it moves something in me. I feel like I’m going to cry now thinking about it. It feels and sounds lovely: those harmonies, this community of people working together to create this, I want to be a part of it. I guess that is what changed my life. Musicals changed my life? How gross. I am not a musical theatre person, that is not my industry but I love musicals so much. It’s that old school Hollywood vibe. I just love it.

What song should we listen to whilst reading this about you?

Oh my god. Okay, give me two seconds. I did a desert islands discs interview for a show two years ago. I am going to go with “Black Gold of the Sun” by Rotary Connection. I really like that song. It’s just one of my favourite songs.

Name five beautiful things in life. Tell me why you think they are beautiful.

The natural world. It’s so intricate and connected: it’s magical.
Deep and meaningful connections with human beings. We need them for support. Life is easier when you have people around you that want to help. I keep banging on about this but it’s because it’s only recently that I have allowed people in to support me in that way. Now I understand what a healthy support system feels like.
Finding small pockets of joy in the mundane. You have to find joy where you can in these times. The world is so brutal that you’ve got to find small sparkles of joy. Grab the joy where you can.
Delicious food. I guess that is connected to small joys in life. Actually taking the time to enjoy what you are eating or what is nourishing you. I feel like food can sometimes be seen as an inconvenience: it can get in the way. Or you have a working lunch or be on your phone/watching TV whilst you are eating. But then you don’t enjoy what you are doing. You need to take time to enjoy what nourishes you.
Rest. Is that beautiful or necessary?! That is connected to taking care of oneself. Actually no, scrap that. I think it should be the choir of voices that I spoke about earlier.

If you could sum up your life so far in one word, what it would be and why?

A jigsaw puzzle. I am piecing it together. Not fragmented because that feels like scattered parts. It’s not broken up like that. I am referring back to the analogy of fitting my way through my day. Through my life, it feels like Crystal Maze. You have to complete the task and then pass through to the next section. It’s a mad scramble like “this fits in this hole, that doesn’t work so let’s try something else, try to cut it in half RIGHT that’s worked, onto the next thing”. It has felt like trying to fit different parts of a puzzle together. I have all of the pieces but they might not work at that time. There is a bigger picture but we have lost the jigsaw box. We have the outline, the edges are there, but we are working on trying to figure out the picture. There has got to be something that joins them.

What do you think the meaning of your life is?

[laughs] I have no idea. All I know is that I have an affinity to a sense of community and belonging. Whether that means bringing people together or helping a group of people or being part of something that is bigger, I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know the meaning of my life is. I haven’t figured it out.

After talking through all of this, what have you learnt about yourself or your life? What do you feel the need to reflect on?

I talk such shite – such drivel! The puzzle analogy even works for piecing my sentences together. I have learnt I still do not have a clear idea of where I am going. It’s an exciting experience just living moment to moment. I am really enjoying the current period of discovery that I am in. I feel like I have focus but I would like a little bit more direction. I know where I want to be and I need to trust myself more in the process and not doubt every turn I make. Does that make sense? [Ed: “That makes perfect sense. What a fitting bookmark in your story.”] I have learnt that I still don’t know where I am going. I think I will forever live in uncertainty… I am okay with it and I am not okay with it.

My love letter to Hannah will go live tomorrow.

You can keep up to date with what Hannah is up to on her Instagram here. She also runs an incredible self-help account called you may grow.

HANNAH; an actor;

“As an actor, you cannot live like that! You will see way more no than yes. Your self worth will be non existent. You have to disconnect to preserve any sanity in your personal life.”

Whilst transcribing this second part of Hannah’s interview, I was laughing out loud into my empty living room. Hannah’s sheer charisma and charm shine through entirely as she talks about what friendships mean to her, how acting links to her self-worth and how a quote from RuPaul’s Drag Race helped her cope with rejection.

Hannah’s pronouns are “she/her”.

What does a regular day in Hannah’s mind look like?

I know you don’t want my routine but I will wake up fairly late by most standards and then I will feel guilty immediately. I have a morning routine which I would like to get set but trying to do it all before my day starts does give me a bit of anxiety. So usually I wake up guilty and anxious – that’s how the day starts! If I get my stuff sorted, I feel better. I need a to do list to make me feel like I am being productive towards my career. I need a schedule for the day but there are things which I do in the day which make me feel better. Sometimes I have to unknot my stomach! My evenings are pretty good, my mind is alright. My mind tries to piece together the whole day, like a jigsaw. Or more like a path. We get to nighttime and I know I am tired and should sleep but I feel like there is time to do stuff. I can’t really squeeze anything else in because my mind is tired but I feel the need to and then we are like “oh here comes the anxiety again!”. I have a nice sleep and then I wake up anxious. Guilt and anxiety plagues my jigsaw mind. It’s not a negative experience: the anxiety is awful but the mind path isn’t always bad.

What part do relationships and love play in your daily life?

[Long pause] I can only really speak on friendships and platonic love because there is nothing else going on. They play a big part, particularly in these times, because we all need each other to get through this. I am constantly messaging my friends or on the phone to my mum. I’ve realised that I need to be more proactive in reaching out to people because that does make me happy. When I have spoken to my therapist after a good week, we reflect on what happened and it’s normally the connection with my friends and nurturing the platonic relationships which fuels me. It makes me feel held and I need a lot of holding and support, I think. It’s the self esteem thing! I’m not there yet: I don’t fuel myself yet. I have to get to a point where I don’t need outside validation but at the moment just having conversations and feeling connected to people keeps me supported. People who can check me on my bullshit are also needed. I guess they do play a big part in my daily life but not in a romantic sense.

What aspect of friendship do you value the most?

Support.
I think it’s important to have people around who you can go to and they can come to you for anything. Why do I think that’s important? Maybe because I am an only child. I don’t know! I do mean support and I do think that is the most important thing in a friendship. What I am trying to figure out is an explanation as to why. The support that I mean is being able to give support to people in whatever capacity that is and I need to be able to have people I can go to and feel supported by.

What do you do to make a positive impact on those/the world around you?

I like to bring joy and support to those around me and to the world. I like helping people; I like feeling needed. Feeling needed gives me a boost! I like people to feel comfortable and if I can bring joy to people then, yeah, let’s go for it. I guess it comes back around to comfort. If I can do that for people, I feel like that’s positive.

What do you do to stay motivated?

I would love to say I look at inspirational and motivational people but sometimes that makes me feel worse. The way my mind works, it highlights what I am lacking instead of where I could be. So, it’s not that! [laughs] I want people to be proud of me and that motivates me. But that’s about how other people view me. The real answer is I remind myself of my goals and aspirations. That can be twofold because sometimes it makes me feel bad but also it motivates me to try and achieve that. If I am lacking motivation, I think “we want to be here, what do we need to do to get there?”. Reminding myself of where I want to be motivates me. Conversations with friends reminding me of where I have been or come from is a real motivator. Encouragement from others helps too because I struggle to find that in myself. I need people around me.

What was the deciding factor to get into acting?

I wanted to do it… Next question! Why did I want to do it? I was told I was good at it. I didn’t particularly excel in traditional academia: I excelled in art and drama. It was as toss up between doing textile art at university or performing arts. I looked at universities which offered both and decided on the open days that it would be performance. I have been involved in performing since I was 5 and I believe I am good at it. A lot of people tried to dissuade me from it. At first, my family didn’t really have too much control of it to be honest. They were worried about me doing it because of the position I am in now: financially unstable. They also had reservations, because I come from a Christian family, that I would be asked to do something or put in a hard situation like on screen nudity or even swearing! They were concerned about those positions that I may have been put into. The work is unstable and inconsistent so they were worried about that too. But I did it and I am doing it. That is the decision I have made. I do tend to make a decision and do it without too much thought but now I am on the flip side: I don’t make any decisions because my overthinking paralyses me. Back in the day, I would make a decision on impulse and just do it. Look at me now, I’m struggling! [laughs]

How does your passion for acting link to your personal life? How does it affect your sense of accomplishment day to day?

Unfortunately, I have hugely linked my self worth and self esteem to my career. They are one. I am in the process of separating the two. I am more than just my career. But that is still a process. At the moment, I struggle to disconnect with the outcome of the auditions. I was watching a webinar on how to cope with rejection. It was by a woman who runs an incredible account [Ed: here, for all your interested readers] and it’s the rejection which really affects me more than anything. When I am in a project, or delving into the character for an audition, I doubt myself and have imposter syndrome even though I have made it that far but it is the rejection which affects my personal life because it is so connected. When you get rejected from an audition, most of the time they just don’t contact you and that’s even worse! You are waiting and waiting and waiting, sometimes for months, until the show or advert comes out and you think “I guess I didn’t get that one then!”. I am working on disconnecting from the outcome of auditions. What happens is I will go to an audition and see how much it is paid and then I will already spend that money. I will be on set, in my mind, before I have done the audition and I get so connected and attached before I have even auditioned. As an actor, you cannot live like that! You will see way more no than yes. Your self worth will be non existent. You have to disconnect to preserve any sanity in your personal life. Also, I am starting to find what else brings me joy outside of acting. Where is this quote?! This will help me explain it. I have to find joy in other areas because if I think that all I am is an actor, when things don’t work out, I am lost. I have to fuel myself in other ways. I have struggled to find hobbies or other joy. I am really enjoying this time in therapy because I am finding things that will bring me joy. Then I can figure out what doesn’t and let go of that. “You May Grow” is something that is bringing me so much joy. Once I removed the pressure to post all the time and be fantastic, it’s a really nice period of discovery. This quote is from RuPaul’s Drag Race: it was Rachel Bloom on Series 12, 2019, and she was talking to… [Ed: “The election episode! It would have been Jackie Cox or Widow Von Du”] The fact you know that exactly [laughs] it was Widow Von Du and she said to her “You raised yourself to think that your craft, your art, is who you are and, when you fuck something up, it fundamentally takes away your self worth. Separating your craft from who you are as a person has… it’s really helped me.” That is what I am in the process of doing. I am so attached to my craft and that became me as a person. That rejection means your whole world falls apart. It feels like they are personally rejecting you as a person. If you constantly receive that, you are nothing. I am separating that. That is my work, and something I enjoy, but it is not everything.

What is your end goal in terms of your professional life?

To be a successful, working actor. To be continuously working. Not necessarily famous. Just to feel fulfilled creatively and in my work. And also at peace with myself and to have full self acceptance: to feel really comfortable in understanding who I am as a person. Professionally, I would like to be successful.

Hannah’s final 8 questions will go live on Saturday.

You can keep up to date with what Hannah is up to on her Instagram here. She also runs an incredible self-help account called you may grow.

HANNAH; charismatic;

“The whole of that time there was a lingering doom.”

Last month, I had a three hour long catch up with Hannah, an old friend of mine from university. We go months without talking to one another but, once we are sat together (even virtually), it all comes so naturally. It was nothing short of a joy to hear Hannah talk about her life in this way. There were things we knew already, things we have never touched on and absolute surprises.

In her interview, Hannah opened up about her acting career, the loss of her father and just how close she is with her family now.

Hannah pronouns are “she/her”.

Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.

My name is Hannah Sinclair Robinson. I grew up in Reading but now live in Brixton. I am an actor but I guess you could say I make my living as as assistant manager at a pub in Oxford Circus. I would love to be making a living as an actor but, as we are building a career, most of the money comes from a pub so… thank you pub!

What do you do for a living? Is it a passion or something you really enjoy?

I am an actor. I would say that is my profession but the powers that be require financial offerings so I am the assistant manager at a pub. It does not fulfil me but it is a necessary evil so I can pursue the career of my dreams. I love everything that comes with being an actor. Hmm, no! I don’t love everything that comes with it but I do very much enjoy being an actor. I think there are a certain type of people that are drawn to being actors and I think I get a lot of my self worth from being told I’m good. I need that validation! We are working towards separating those two though.

Reflect on your mental/physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you are well?

My mental health is better, much better, than it was late last year. I noticed it was the worst it had been. The pandemic, the lack of auditions, the lack of work: it all affected me. I have a really bad habit of attaching my self worth to my career and work so if I don’t get jobs then my self worth and self esteem goes all the way down. It plummets. It doesn’t do that quickly though. It’s a very slow spiral that’s will involve me punishing myself until I feel really bad and we feel comfortable in the sadness. We rest in the sad bed we have made! It’s much better now and I am much better at identifying the triggers which set off that spiral. I am much better at taking care of myself. It’s still in the works because a core part of my no self worth comes from not knowing who I am. As an actor, it’s really easy to shape shift as a person: I can change aspects of myself to suit people, circumstances etc. I can pull something out of my vocabulary or from my physical form and that helps me adapt. That has resulted in me feeling quite lost. I don’t know what I like or who I am, really. That is an aspect I am working on in therapy – trying to find out what those things are. My therapist always asks me what I like and I genuinely don’t know. At one point she asked me to list things I am good at and I didn’t know. I said I am good at making other people happy but that’s for them, not me. I feel like I’m doing okay and I have things in place. Wait, what was the other part of the question? [long pause] Therapy. That’s the main thing. Journaling! Here we go. Taking time out to do things that I know will make me feel good. Even though it’s super boring, I ensure my tax folder is up to date and that relieves so much anxiety. Ensuring that I have read all of my emails, I see that as self-care. If I put those things off, that makes my anxiety even worse. Doing these things might not feel great in the moment but they are helping out future Hannah. Also, feel free to edit that down so it makes sense! [Ed: “I will do my best!”]

Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network?

Yes, I do. I have a diverse and extensive network of friends that I can go to for different things. All of them are very supportive. I have quite a good foundation with my family as well. We are quite a large family – my Grandma was 1 of 8 – and everyone is really supportive of everything. My mum is the ringleader of that. I am really close to my aunties and when I found out I didn’t get an audition, I went off on one and my mum was away so they listened to me crying down the phone about it. If anything ever happened to anyone in the family, we can all rely on one another.

What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?

I am an only child, if that wasn’t obvious! I lived both of my parents and there was a really good relationship there. I had a really nice childhood: my parents worked super hard and it’s only now I realise how hard they must have worked to provide all the stuff I had as a child. My dad would work days and nights and worked his entire life until a year or so before he died. They ensured I had a really comfortable and lovely childhood. My mum’s side of the family is super tight – we would spend summers on holiday with my aunties, uncles, cousins. I would stay with my godmother whilst mum was working. We were really close and connected with a lot of the family. I also think because I am an only child, they rallied around to ensure I wasn’t alone or feel like a loner. My cousins are what sisters feel like. They are closest thing I have to sisters.

Where do you find daily inspiration?

For what? [Ed: “for life, honey! What else?”] Oh! Well, that’s the crux then, isn’t it? I find it in nature. I don’t get out into as often as I should. I know it does me really good but I’m not good at leaving the house these days. The park is 3 minutes away from me but I still can’t bring myself to leave the house. Every time I do go for a walk, it’s lovely. Seeing the detail in nature is insane. I like to surround myself with plants in here too. I feel really connected to the earth when I pot plants. I like seeing how intricate our planet it. It’s so detailed! It’s inspiring to me, really.

What has your experience worth COVID been like?

First of all, I am incredibly surprised nobody in my household got it! There are 6 people living in the house. We have had a house move and nobody has had it. There have been some scares but we have all been negative, thank God, touch wood. I haven’t personally known many people that have had it so I don’t feel like I have a direct experience. I have friends who are nurses and they have relayed the horrors of working in the ICU. My mum has friends who have had it and passed away but their age bracket is more vulnerable. I noticed a difference from Reading to London. Reading, in the suburbs, everyone was much more wary and really strict with the rules. I lived there for 3 months then I came to London and everyone was on the tube with no mask and huge amounts of people. It was absolutely awful. There was such a different attitude from being in the suburbs where everyone was so afraid and in London everyone was just getting on with it: getting public transport, going to work. When the pubs re-opened, that was really difficult to manage. Everything changed. We went to table service, having a host on the front desk, masks for everyone, sanitising stations. Both industries that I am involved in shut down. Apart from my financial loss, it hasn’t been that bad. I have to pay my rent and survive and that’s all. I don’t have kids or a mortgage which are massive stressors. I am in a very fortunate and privileged position in that, if I couldn’t pay my rent anymore, I would have to move back into my mum’s house. Everyone is in different situations but I got furloughed and focused on my acting career so I made it work. In lockdown, I have had a “positive” experience except we are in the global pandemic. A lot of my views come from a place of privilege. My mental health is a major stressor but I don’t have any dependants which would make things more difficult. I am very fortunate so COVID hasn’t had a huge effect on me.

What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?

Black woman. That’s the most obvious thing. Personality wise, what’s the word? I don’t want to say friendly because that’s a cliché but I think I am quite charismatic. I don’t want to toot my own horn! [Ed: “I think you are charismatic!”] Oh good, me too! [laughs]

What is the biggest hardship you have faced in your life?

Hands down it was when my dad died. There has been a couple of instances because my mum has had breast cancer twice. The first time I was really young so I didn’t really understand: I was just sad and scared. The biggest hardship was my dad passing away though. He had cancer for years and all of that time was during my formative years from 15 to about 24. The whole of that time there was a lingering doom. We knew from the beginning he wasn’t going to get better. We had to deal with that for around 9 years. You were there for most of it. I remember drinking vodka with undiluted squash in your old flat…. We were both so sad but a different kind of sad. It was rough stuff.

Hannah’s middle 8 will go live on Wednesday.

You can keep up to date with what Hannah is up to on her Instagram here. She also runs an incredible self-help account called you may grow.

MORE LIKE KATIE;

Dear Kitty,

Who would’ve thought that we would be here? Six years after I professed my undying love for you and your music, and you took a chance on this friendship, we are closer than ever. And, honestly, I can’t imagine my life without you in it now.

The way you act, react and interact with humans inspires me every single day. You approach everything – head on – with charm, honesty, understanding, patience, heart and truth. I struggle to focus on even one of those traits and yet here you are, seasoned and incredible, utilising all of them in your every day life. You have the utmost faith and hope in people and I know the world could use a lot more of that. We have so many people to thank for you being the way you are but we are here to celebrate you.

You are always there for people: a shoulder to cry on; an ear to listen; a heart to sympathise; a question to challenge. You only want the best for those around you and that is crystal clear. It really struck a chord when you said you have so many different friendships and relationships. You are the unchanging factor – you are so many things for so many people and, in turn, they are so many things to you too. It takes a lot of work and effort to maintain all of this but you do it so effortlessly.

Music has been, and always will be, in your soul. It changes you and then the world around you. The way you pour every ounce of yourself into your music, and watch as it affects everyone else, is nothing short of wonderful. Hearing you talk about your passion and career in the way you do will inspire so many others and I am so honoured that you have let me share those conversations with others. I think music in the best medicine and you are a healer.

I am learning to be kind to myself and, even just from the end of your interview, it is clear that is something you are doing too. You never stop assessing and reflecting on who you are and I think that makes a great human. Your self-awareness, whilst perhaps too strong some days, allows you to understand people better and still celebrate yourself. That is something I am inspired by every day. I want to be more like you, I really do.

Thank you for these years of honesty, understanding, patience, heart, music, love, life, poetry, words and everything else in between. I thought I had reached a point where I couldn’t forge friendships like this anymore but you have let me see the light. And for that, I am forever grateful.

You, of all people, know it means to be; Katie.

All my love, always,

Mitch
xo

KATIE; gracious;

**“It is a story of grace that I have been saved again and again. “**

The final part of Katie’s interview touches on everything from her fear to her hopes for the future. We discuss how becoming a parent changes every aspect of life as well as relentless optimism and its place in the modern world. Katie never held back and was ready for every question and this is a very special, and meaningful, interview. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Katie’s pronouns are “she/her”.

What is your biggest fear? How do you prevent that from taking over?

[long pause] I don’t have many things [that I am scared of] which is amazing. The people pleasing thing is something which plays on my mind in terms of the fear aspect. I constantly think I have done something wrong or that I haven’t done enough. How do I prevent it? I have to talk it through. I talk with Robbie a lot and, this might be a sweeping statement but, I think a man thing is to be able to compartmentalise: thinking like “they will be them, you will be you. Move on, don’t stress”. Sometimes I need Robbie to tell me that I have been brilliant and the fact I am second guessing myself is a people pleasing thing but there isn’t truth in it. As with most overthinking anxiety based habits in our brain, they are usually ‘us’ based: they are things we have imagined in our head almost. You don’t want somebody to say “it’s all in your head, buck up” but it’s nice to hear from someone else that you have done all you can. Sometimes you need someone who is able to put things in perspective because they are outside of the situation. I just don’t want to upset someone accidentally. I need to talk about it but sometimes I will get there myself. But sometimes it’s just about me coming on period! Hormones do random things to my emotions.

What is something you really want to do that you’re not doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What can you put into place to achieve it?

All the things that I want to do over the next year I am putting in place now. I am talking to live agents now, putting together a tech rider, putting a new setlist together and working towards that. I am potentially looking at making new merch. I love fashion! All I wear is big, baggy t-shirts with patterns on so why don’t I have any merch? I don’t know. I have got in touch with a female graphic designer who will make a new logo for me and incorporate that onto tie-dye t-shirts. A big personal goal at some point is to become a mum and I am not doing that just yet. Why not? Because I love my job. I am not admitting that when I do that I won’t be able to pursue songwriting anymore because I will be able to but I know it will change things. I don’t want to be naive in the fact that having kids changes everything in your life. My darling husband has had crazy success and just signed to a major label and now his, and my, future has changed massively. That affects us having kids because that could mean I am the stay at home mum. And, let me stress, that is no lesser in any way. It’s just different than what I had originally thought. I understand that when you have kids your thought processes change: it might be that I never want to leave them and I might want to leave songwriting behind. The children might fulfil me more. But then also, I might miss songwriting still and want it to evolve into something else. That need for work will still always be a passion of mine.

What type of outlook on life do you have? Where do you think that comes from?

Relentless optimism. Everyone has always told me that my entire life. I think optimism can also equal naivety and, in the past, that has led me to bad situations. It made me hold onto bad situations longer than I needed to. My optimism might be to the detriment of myself sometimes but it does mean I can almost sail through life because nothing feels bad. For that, I am grateful. You are easily pleased. Somebody could bring me an oat milk flat white and a chocolate bar and that’s my day made. A lot of people argue the nature vs nurture thing but I feel I was born with this. My sisters are different to me. They both have a fraction of optimism but I have the most. Some of it comes from my parents but I do think I was born with it. I’m not sure where it stemmed from. I have always been like it and it’s strange. There is something about nature rather than nurture.

What book/album/film/artist has changed your life? What did you take from that?

The bible. It comes into my life day after day and has done for my whole life. I read it most days. It is an unchanging book which has been present since day dot. It’s not everything that I live my life by but it is a huge factor. Scripture has changed the way I think; the way I live; the way I am towards other people; the way I am as a person; how I cope; how I learn; how I work; how I love. The bible has changed everything for me.

What song should we listen to whilst reading this about you?

“Top Of The World” by Kimbra. It’s very feminist and powerful. It is proclaiming out loud what you are good at. That’s what that means to me.

Name five beautiful things in life. Tell me why you think they are beautiful.

Little babies. New, pure, innocent, unjaded, bitterless kids. They are beautiful because of that. They are untouched by the things of the world. They are what they are and they cannot be anything else because nobody has taught them how to lie yet. They bring their full selves to you, even before they can talk, and I love it. Their smile is pure joy.
Music is beautiful. My whole life is built around this. No matter what country I am in, what culture I am experiencing, no matter how you identify – music is the common ground. You will always be able to understand music together. Music is music and is always inspiring. You can communicate anything through music.
The earth. Flipping heck! When I want to see God’s beauty, that is what I do. I go out and see it. We need hope right now but seeing buds and flowers, as hippie as it is, there is something about connecting with the human spirit when you see something burst forth from what looks dead. You can see a whole reflection of the sky in a lake and that is untouched by man. That is one of the biggest things.
I see a lot of beauty in love. I mean affection. When I walk along the street and you see a child holding someone’s hand, and I recognise that need for affection: when I see my husband’s neck full of whiskers: when I pat my mum on the back because she is unpacking. Physical love is very beautiful. The closeness you get from physicality is beautiful.
I want to say food! When I cook meals, I go to the nth degree to present them beautifully. It sounds stupid but I get so much pleasure from laying things out beautifully. With cooking, there is colour, taste, and smell which makes it more than two dimensional beauty.

If you could sum up your life so far in one word, what would it be and why?

Grace.
I have made some seriously bad decisions in my life. When I look back on them, they could’ve so easily changed the course of my life to a bad path. To a path where, ultimately, I would be unhappy and unfulfilled. Somehow, even though and despite these bad decisions, I have ended up with my perfect life. The prominent feeling in my head is gratitude. I have been shown so much grace no matter what. It is a story of grace that I have been saved again and again.

What do you think the meaning of your life is?

To love. In whatever form that is. I want to love everyone around me to the best of my ability. I want to support, encourage and enthuse them. I want to love people back to life. I want to love alongside. I want to love moving forward. I want to love whilst stuck in the mud. I want to love whilst things morph. I want to love evolution.

After talking through everything, what have you learnt about yourself and your life? What do you feel the need to reflect on?

I am aware that, during this, every time you have asked me to tell you something good about myself, I have always book ended it with something bad. That is interesting because I like to have a balanced and sober judgement of myself and I want to see the same thing from two different angles. It makes me understand other people well and accept that. I might be able to see something bad but I think “yeah they are like this too, though, and that’s great”. Clearly I do that a lot with myself too. I don’t always need to put the negative spin on it too: for myself, I could just say what I am good at. I need to be invested in the truth of what I am.

My open letter to Katie will go live tomorrow.

You can follow Katie Sky on her YouTube channel, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook page. She also has a huge catalogue of songs available on Spotify and Apple Music.