Last month, I had a three hour long catch up with Hannah, an old friend of mine from university. We go months without talking to one another but, once we are sat together (even virtually), it all comes so naturally. It was nothing short of a joy to hear Hannah talk about her life in this way. There were things we knew already, things we have never touched on and absolute surprises.
In her interview, Hannah opened up about her acting career, the loss of her father and just how close she is with her family now.
Hannah pronouns are “she/her”.
Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.
My name is Hannah Sinclair Robinson. I grew up in Reading but now live in Brixton. I am an actor but I guess you could say I make my living as as assistant manager at a pub in Oxford Circus. I would love to be making a living as an actor but, as we are building a career, most of the money comes from a pub so… thank you pub!
What do you do for a living? Is it a passion or something you really enjoy?
I am an actor. I would say that is my profession but the powers that be require financial offerings so I am the assistant manager at a pub. It does not fulfil me but it is a necessary evil so I can pursue the career of my dreams. I love everything that comes with being an actor. Hmm, no! I don’t love everything that comes with it but I do very much enjoy being an actor. I think there are a certain type of people that are drawn to being actors and I think I get a lot of my self worth from being told I’m good. I need that validation! We are working towards separating those two though.
Reflect on your mental/physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you are well?
My mental health is better, much better, than it was late last year. I noticed it was the worst it had been. The pandemic, the lack of auditions, the lack of work: it all affected me. I have a really bad habit of attaching my self worth to my career and work so if I don’t get jobs then my self worth and self esteem goes all the way down. It plummets. It doesn’t do that quickly though. It’s a very slow spiral that’s will involve me punishing myself until I feel really bad and we feel comfortable in the sadness. We rest in the sad bed we have made! It’s much better now and I am much better at identifying the triggers which set off that spiral. I am much better at taking care of myself. It’s still in the works because a core part of my no self worth comes from not knowing who I am. As an actor, it’s really easy to shape shift as a person: I can change aspects of myself to suit people, circumstances etc. I can pull something out of my vocabulary or from my physical form and that helps me adapt. That has resulted in me feeling quite lost. I don’t know what I like or who I am, really. That is an aspect I am working on in therapy – trying to find out what those things are. My therapist always asks me what I like and I genuinely don’t know. At one point she asked me to list things I am good at and I didn’t know. I said I am good at making other people happy but that’s for them, not me. I feel like I’m doing okay and I have things in place. Wait, what was the other part of the question? [long pause] Therapy. That’s the main thing. Journaling! Here we go. Taking time out to do things that I know will make me feel good. Even though it’s super boring, I ensure my tax folder is up to date and that relieves so much anxiety. Ensuring that I have read all of my emails, I see that as self-care. If I put those things off, that makes my anxiety even worse. Doing these things might not feel great in the moment but they are helping out future Hannah. Also, feel free to edit that down so it makes sense! [Ed: “I will do my best!”]
Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network?
Yes, I do. I have a diverse and extensive network of friends that I can go to for different things. All of them are very supportive. I have quite a good foundation with my family as well. We are quite a large family – my Grandma was 1 of 8 – and everyone is really supportive of everything. My mum is the ringleader of that. I am really close to my aunties and when I found out I didn’t get an audition, I went off on one and my mum was away so they listened to me crying down the phone about it. If anything ever happened to anyone in the family, we can all rely on one another.
What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?
I am an only child, if that wasn’t obvious! I lived both of my parents and there was a really good relationship there. I had a really nice childhood: my parents worked super hard and it’s only now I realise how hard they must have worked to provide all the stuff I had as a child. My dad would work days and nights and worked his entire life until a year or so before he died. They ensured I had a really comfortable and lovely childhood. My mum’s side of the family is super tight – we would spend summers on holiday with my aunties, uncles, cousins. I would stay with my godmother whilst mum was working. We were really close and connected with a lot of the family. I also think because I am an only child, they rallied around to ensure I wasn’t alone or feel like a loner. My cousins are what sisters feel like. They are closest thing I have to sisters.
Where do you find daily inspiration?
For what? [Ed: “for life, honey! What else?”] Oh! Well, that’s the crux then, isn’t it? I find it in nature. I don’t get out into as often as I should. I know it does me really good but I’m not good at leaving the house these days. The park is 3 minutes away from me but I still can’t bring myself to leave the house. Every time I do go for a walk, it’s lovely. Seeing the detail in nature is insane. I like to surround myself with plants in here too. I feel really connected to the earth when I pot plants. I like seeing how intricate our planet it. It’s so detailed! It’s inspiring to me, really.
What has your experience worth COVID been like?
First of all, I am incredibly surprised nobody in my household got it! There are 6 people living in the house. We have had a house move and nobody has had it. There have been some scares but we have all been negative, thank God, touch wood. I haven’t personally known many people that have had it so I don’t feel like I have a direct experience. I have friends who are nurses and they have relayed the horrors of working in the ICU. My mum has friends who have had it and passed away but their age bracket is more vulnerable. I noticed a difference from Reading to London. Reading, in the suburbs, everyone was much more wary and really strict with the rules. I lived there for 3 months then I came to London and everyone was on the tube with no mask and huge amounts of people. It was absolutely awful. There was such a different attitude from being in the suburbs where everyone was so afraid and in London everyone was just getting on with it: getting public transport, going to work. When the pubs re-opened, that was really difficult to manage. Everything changed. We went to table service, having a host on the front desk, masks for everyone, sanitising stations. Both industries that I am involved in shut down. Apart from my financial loss, it hasn’t been that bad. I have to pay my rent and survive and that’s all. I don’t have kids or a mortgage which are massive stressors. I am in a very fortunate and privileged position in that, if I couldn’t pay my rent anymore, I would have to move back into my mum’s house. Everyone is in different situations but I got furloughed and focused on my acting career so I made it work. In lockdown, I have had a “positive” experience except we are in the global pandemic. A lot of my views come from a place of privilege. My mental health is a major stressor but I don’t have any dependants which would make things more difficult. I am very fortunate so COVID hasn’t had a huge effect on me.
What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?
Black woman. That’s the most obvious thing. Personality wise, what’s the word? I don’t want to say friendly because that’s a cliché but I think I am quite charismatic. I don’t want to toot my own horn! [Ed: “I think you are charismatic!”] Oh good, me too! [laughs]
What is the biggest hardship you have faced in your life?
Hands down it was when my dad died. There has been a couple of instances because my mum has had breast cancer twice. The first time I was really young so I didn’t really understand: I was just sad and scared. The biggest hardship was my dad passing away though. He had cancer for years and all of that time was during my formative years from 15 to about 24. The whole of that time there was a lingering doom. We knew from the beginning he wasn’t going to get better. We had to deal with that for around 9 years. You were there for most of it. I remember drinking vodka with undiluted squash in your old flat…. We were both so sad but a different kind of sad. It was rough stuff.
Hannah’s middle 8 will go live on Wednesday.
You can keep up to date with what Hannah is up to on her Instagram here. She also runs an incredible self-help account called you may grow.
HOW TO BE; 