friends – Page 2 – HOW TO BE;

STU; disarming;

**“I remember getting out of the car agreeing not to see each other anymore. I went to the back of mum’s house and I remember something in my brain switched off. It was my sexuality.”**

There was a huge hail storm which interrupted my chat with Stu a few weekends ago but that didn’t stop us from tackling the big subjects. I have never really had the chance to connect with him on this level so it was an absolute joy to talk through all things queer, fantastic, dark, hopeful and hereditary. In this first interview, Stu takes us through his family history, not being accepted for his homosexuality as well as just how much love he has for his partner (and cat).

These are the first 8 of 25 questions I asked Stu and we get straight into the nitty gritty of life.

Stu’s pronouns are “he/him”.

Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.

Stu. Almost 40. Massive nerd. Bald. Been bald since I was 20. Mentally ill. Yay! Always wanted to be something but don’t think I ever will be. I’m a gig promoter and I run a club night in my spare time for my sins. I’m a big, massive queer.

What has your experience with COVID been like?

Oh this is going to be really short. It’s been great. I’m incredibly lucky to have Alessio [partner] and I cannot say that enough. As two people who suffer from mental health issues, when one is down the other one supports. The fact that we are so similar in terms of our interests means that we can sit down and complete a video game together or watch a whole series of something. I think we have completed horror. Every night without fail we would put the projector on and trawl through. I know there are a lot of people who are having a bad time and really suffering. I do miss my friends. I haven’t seen my mum and my auntie since August which is tough. He [Alessio] hasn’t seen him family since August and that’s even tougher because they are in another fucking country. I’m really lucky in the sense that we respect each other’s space. He can go into the room and play switch and I will go to find him later because I am super needy. When I got made redundant, there was no point where he felt like he really had to push me to get a job. It made me feel so much better because, even though I was fucking stressed out, I do feel like I have landed on my feet with this one. He is ridiculously supportive. I also realised something the other day when someone wrote on one of my statuses saying they felt guilty because some people were being really prolific in this lockdown. Loads of my friends have created businesses but I just wanted to get through it. I just wanted to survive. Maybe I needed this time to just chill out. I don’t want people to feel bad that other people are being prolific now because maybe we were entertaining them whilst they were sitting on their asses before all of this happened. Maybe it’s their fucking turn [laughs]. I don’t feel like I’ve had too bad a time.

Reflect on your mental/physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you’re well?

HA! Physical health, I’m currently a blancmange trying to fit into a pair of slacks. I’ve always had a weird thing where I don’t want to rave about body positivity because I’m not always particularly proud of my physicality. I have to say being the size I am is incredibly difficult to find clothes which makes me feel like a bag of shit. However, I don’t let it stop me from doing things I want to do. I don’t think my size impacts my confidence too much when I have things to say. I don’t look after myself physically too much but I do like to eat relatively well. My problem is that I eat really healthy but I don’t exercise so I get really fat.
Mental health wise I try to take care of myself much more. I have suffered from depression since my early teens and it comes in waves. I got to my worst at 17 – my parents were splitting up which was a whole thing. I was really messed up and in a dark place. Ever since then, it’s felt weird that nothing has ever got to that point again. Whenever it comes, it’s always like aftershocks. Little ripples. It’s not as bad as it has been before but it’s bad enough for me to recognise it. The good thing is I can recognise when my mental health is suffering and I do try to combat it. Usually company helps with me so just having someone to chat to or just sit down and watch a film with helps. I do try and look after myself in a way that I don’t overrun myself with the things to do which I know I won’t achieve without stressing myself out. Also, I feel I’m in a place where I can identify when things are going tits up, I can talk about that with people. I either can or can’t explain what is happening in that moment but I can say “I’m having a bad time mentally and I need to do this or this to feel right again”. I feel lucky in the sense that I have never had to medicate myself. I’ve had brushes with suicide in my teens and I never want it to get that bad again so I am not opposed to medication but I feel lucky I’ve never have had to have done it. Overall, I think I look after others moreso than myself in some respects but I know when I have reached my limit so that’s when everyone else can fuck off basically!

Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network?

I think I’m still making massive errors of judgement in people. I’m still making mistakes in terms of how close to keep them. I’ve got such a good support network of people and strangely that has come from Punka [Stu’s queer night which he runs]. The people which are the closest to me are the performers and promoters. It’s weird to think of that. I have become more than a person who has hired them: more than a boss. You want them to do well and you want to support and represent them because they are representing you. In some cases, it’s gone way beyond that. These friends are some of the only people I have seen in lockdown. I have friends of 20 years who haven’t text me since lockdown started. It feels like with these Punka friends, we are all in the same boat. You all understand what you’re trying to do and what you want to do. When you find out you have things in common then you work on that friendship. I have a good support group but it’s something which has only happened in the last 3 years.

What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?

I’m from a family who are quite big on my mum’s side and on my dad’s side – not so much. I don’t know either side very well. My nan was the oldest of 11 kids so there were a lot of aunties and uncles. Every year for the past 40 years, they have spelt my name wrong. The cards are either formula 1, football or golf. That shows how much I don’t know my family. I’m very similar to my mum because she is really nerdy. She has a decent sense of humour and a very short fuse. The older I get, the more I respect that because she doesn’t suffer fools. The older she gets, the more she is calming down so people are walking over her which is frustrating. In my teenage years, we butted heads a lot but now we are really close. She is the best. Super supportive. I was always the weird kid: like most of us queers, you feel like something is wrong. I grew up in the 80s in a small town and didn’t know what gay was. The problem was my dad wanted me to be like him. A lot of parents think you are going to have a carbon copy of yourself. What they don’t understand is that your kid is a sum of those parts but it’s essentially a completely new being: it might not be like either of you. My dad realised I was not like anything he had come across before. I was always drawing and reading comic books. My mum was like a crack dealer for comics. If I ever did well in school or did chores, she would put in a comic in our little cupboard. She used to nurture this thing I loved about art and drawing. She knew that’s what I was into. My dad was like “why the fuck aren’t you playing football?”. They grew apart quite quickly and the problem is the fact that I would have been the youngest of three: my mum had two miscarriages and almost lost me. That created a big rift. I am “technically” the youngest child and we know that the youngest child is the gay one. Unfortunately [Ed: “not unforunately, we are fucking great.”] they ended up with the gay one. My dad didn’t like that and wasn’t on board with a lot of what I was into. I was in college before they split up and I did my final show where I turned an area into my own exhibition. I made a website of my work, like a rudimentary website from the 90s, and I was super proud of it. My mum saw it and was like “not even because you are my son but you have smashed this” but my dad saw everyone crowded around it, shook his head and walked out. In the end, we left and my mum said “me and your dad fell out because he was watching some lads playing football and asked why you weren’t doing that instead.” He wasn’t a fan, he just didn’t get it. It turned out that he was the first person I came out to. I wanted him on board and wanted his approval. After they split up, we went to the cinema to watch “The Faculty” and I really enjoyed it. He was fidgeting the whole way through so I knew he didn’t. He used to say “pie in the sky” which was his term for bullshit. It was bullshit to him. I stupidly said “we don’t have a lot in common, do we?”. And he said “no, you’re not the son I wanted.” He listed off loads of things to do with the things I was into and how he didn’t understand them. He told me “you’re too emotional, I feel like I’m raising a poof” and I told him he was. He dismissed it all, saying the break up was too stressful. He told me not to tell my friends because they wouldn’t want to see me anymore and said that neither did he. I didn’t get upset. I was in shock. I remember getting out of the car agreeing not to see eachother anymore. I went to the back of mum’s house and I remember something in my brain switched off. It was my sexuality. I knew I was gay but I was going to play it straight for a while because that’s what I was meant to do. That led to me faking that I was into women but almost coming off as asexual for years. I didn’t come out until I was 33 because of it. You just lock it away. If my dad can’t even take this, what now? I have not seen him since that day. I haven’t seen him since 1999. My mum was invited to a funeral from my dad’s side recently and she went. It took her 15 minutes of watching this old man to realise it was my dad. She could not recognise him. The years hadn’t been kind to him and maybe that was the bitterness? It’s been a weird road of figuring out those past traumas that can do things to your brain. I wouldn’t say it’s messed me up in any other way than my sexuality. It taught me a massive lesson about people and the names that we give to people. Just because someone is your dad doesn’t mean they can’t be a piece of shit. They can still disappoint you and they don’t have to be in your life. If they are toxic and do things to mess you up, you don’t need to keep them around just because you are related to them. It made me realise that family isn’t always who you are related to because of blood. It helped me when I came out because I could create a chosen family and I am just as close if not closer to people who I have just met and who have had the same situation as me. You go through that separately and the trauma can help you grow together. I am much richer in terms of family because I don’t limit it to who I am related to.

Where do you find daily inspiration?

I would say new music. I tend to get sent a lot of music because of what I do and it’s nice that people have found me quite trusting in that sense. They will send me the mastered version of their EP before it’s released. That makes me realise I can reach out to other people and be inspired by what they are doing too. Music is a massive inspiration for me. Music inspires me to do other stuff. Like a song will make me want to make a poster or start a playlist or create a YouTube video. Hearing one song can mess me up for months!

What do you do for a living? Is it your passion/something you really enjoy?

Firstly, what I do now for a living I’ve only been doing for a week. I’ve just started as a claims handler for DPD. It’s not what I want to do but I’ve slowly come to realise that that isn’t always the best thing. Whereas before, I was on furlough and working in TV. I had been working in TV for 5 years. I had always wanted to do that. I’ve got a degree in film and I got several jobs when I finished uni which weren’t to do with TV. My brain and my confidence didn’t let me go for it. Then when I got into TV, I realised it wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted to do. It’s a weird industry. It’s very much “who you know” and it’s a really strange place to go if you’re looking to get ahead without stepping on people. I’m not a fan of that. It turned into a bittersweet thing about being in the industry you like but deep down inside you know it’s not the one. I realised though that your job doesn’t have to be fulfilling and you can do stuff you care about outside of work.

What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?

Bald. BALD! Fat and bald. That’s about it. I don’t feel like I’m particularly remarkable in the way I look. In terms of my personality, I find that people feel I’m quite disarming. When I worked in films, I was a runner and whenever we had high profile clients coming in, my boss would get me to go in there. He always knew I was unflappable and wouldn’t get flustered or make a tit of myself. I would be reasonably professional if they wanted a chat and wouldn’t make it awkward. I knew how to handle the situation. The younger runners might have tried it on to get contacts and being all *jazz hands*. Even though I don’t like being the centre of attention, I do like being heard and seen. Disarming in that way.

What is the biggest hardship you faced in your life?

I don’t feel like I’ve had a particularly tough life. I know we didn’t have a lot of money when we were younger and we gave up a lot to give my dad his dream. That time was tough. The hardest bit came when my parents separated and I realised I couldn’t go to uni. I got into a course and got a job in Virgin Megastore in Nuneaton and had to start again. Me and my mum had no money. That monetary hardship was the worst. Having to build yourself up from ground level. There was a shame in going to college and not being able to afford the dinners and having to use your loan smartly. In terms of emotional hardships, anything before me coming out I found weirdly tough. Just because I knew I wasn’t being my genuine self.

Stu’s next 8 questions will feature on Wednesday.

You can catch Stu on his Instagram page or his YouTube channel.
Punka, his queer night, can be found on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube.

HAYLEY; blunt;

**“I don’t think people realise how much it’s affected me because of how it happened.”**

It felt natural that I moved from one close friend to another, someone who I don’t see enough of. Hayley has never been one to talk openly about her feelings and aspirations so these conversations felt needed yet organic. In this first part of her interview, Hayley discusses her time in the army, how the NHS has struggled duing COVID as well as just how much her friends’ deaths have affected her.

Hayley’s pronouns are “she/her”.

Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.

My name is Hayley Joyce, if everyone wants to know that. I’m 29. I’m in my twenties, literally counting down the days until I’m old and then – mid life crisis. Shit! Anyway, I’m a nursing assistant in a children’s hospital and I work in day surgery so children will come in and have simple procedures then go home on the same day. I have a crazy dog called Daisy and a beautiful boyfriend who I live in Bristol with. Oh and I love musicals!

What do you do for a living? Is it your passion/something you really enjoy?

I guess a lot of people ask this question: “Am I in the right job? What would I do differently if I could pick anything?” The answer is: I have no idea what else I would do. Healthcare is all I have ever done. After leaving school, I went to college and did health and social care then I joined the army as a medic and then my path has followed on from that! I went to do health care at the hospital as a nursing assistant. I do enjoy it even though all of my friends think I don’t like children yet I work at a children’s hospital which sounds crazy but I think children are a lot easier to work with. In terms of working with adults in a hospital, it’s a lot more physical work (like personal care and mobility aid) but the parents are generally there with the children. Over time, I have grown to like children and I’ve had a niece and a nephew in the past few years so I know how to be around children now. Before, I was like “oh, here’s a baby. What do I do now it’s crying?!”.

Reflect on your mental/physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you’re well?

I love food. I am probably on the obese side if you saw my BMI but I’ve been taking part in a boot camp: Tom [partner] and I joined in July and we are still going. Everyone is surprised we are still committed. Four times a week I will exercise. I try to eat healthy but I love sweet things. Exercise is helping so I go for a lot of runs because it’s nice to be outside. All of the fitness classes are happening on zoom in my living room and I find myself getting lost easily so getting out helps to clear my mind.

Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network e.g big circle of close friends, great family etc?

Yeah, definitely. There’s a group of us that left school and we are still friends. With Jyothi passing away, we are so close and that brought us closer. We don’t see each other a lot but that has bonded us for life. Family too, yeah. Lockdown hasn’t helped. My relationship with my mum is a weird one and I have found it difficult not being able to see my family often. I have a great relationship with my dad and step-mum. Lockdown rules have meant I’m not seeing my nephew as much as I’d like. I like to think my family is supportive though.

Where do you find daily inspiration?

I would say I’m quite a boring person so this is hard. I just get on with it. What gets me out of bed in the morning? I don’t know! I just do it. I’ve got to pay bills and stay busy. That’s a bit of a shit answer, isn’t it? Maybe it’s something you do naturally and don’t really think about it. I like to keep busy and I get bored if I’m not doing something.

What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?

My parents separated when I was 5. My dad was always around but my mum’s dad lived with us: he was a role model for us growing up. He was a father figure even though my dad was around too. We loved my grandad and when he passed away it was really sad. I would describe my mum as not being motherly. We weren’t very huggy or kissy and we never had that relationship. She wasn’t someone I could go and talk to. We weren’t really like that. I think this is why I have developed quite a close relationship with my friend’s parents. Maybe I was looking for a bond that I missed out on.

What has your experience with COVID been like?

To be honest, it’s not actually been that bad. Especially working in the hospital, children haven’t been affected too much compared to adults. After the peak of Christmas and New Year, when the numbers spiked, children’s day surgery got cancelled in the middle of January and our ward turned into an adult in-patient ward to help out another hospital. They didn’t have any beds left. That was a big change and I hadn’t looked after adults for a very long time. It’s a 24 hour service and I worked every weekend. It was difficult because it was physically hard work: I would come home so tired and it was taking all of my energy. Being on your own as a nursing assistant is really hard because the nurses crack on and do meds on their rounds and you can feel alone. There were some really hard things which happened and that annoyed or upset me. I don’t know how I feel about it. If we had extra help, we could have met all of those needs. We could have helped more. That really frustrated me. But now I think to myself “maybe I’ve done something which helped others during COVID?” and I think I have. Home life has been fine. In the first lockdown, Tom and I argued over petty things but it’s definitely affected a lot of relationships. Nobody we know got ill from COVID, thank God.

What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?

I’m just so blunt. I say it how it is. Is that nice? I tend to think that people look at me and think I’m average: dark hair, average height. We all blend in the same. My personality shines through.

What is the biggest hardship you have faced in your life?

Friends’ deaths. It’s happened twice in my life and I’m not even 30 yet. I’m getting upset, I’m sorry. It’s coming up to an anniversary now and I think it will be one of those I’ll never be able to talk about without getting upset. I know she has loads to be remembered for but you can’t help think of the sad things. I’m crying about this so maybe I’m not dead on the inside. I don’t think people realise how much it’s affected me because of how it happened. We don’t know how it happened. It was in Canada but it wasn’t simple and we don’t have answers. It’s a bizarre story. It was the shock of it for me. With Rob, we knew he had cancer and we knew the diagnosis wasn’t great. It was still a shock but we sort of expected it because there was nothing else anyone could do. But this one, it was a shock. She was travelling, living her dream, seeing the world and then gone. You’ve got to be strong and it’s sad and I will have these moments where I’m upset but life does move on and you have to move forward. These people wouldn’t want me to live life as a miserable mess forever: they would be like “get out there and see the world!”. Jyothi enjoyed that and I want to be like that.

Hayley’s next 8 questions will feature on Wednesday.

You can see more of what Hayley has been up to on her Instagram.

MORE LIKE ALICE;

EDIT: It seems wrong not to address the terrible news of Sarah Everard and the grossly corrupt situation when it comes to the state that England is in right now. I try my very best not to push any ideas or beliefs onto anyone in this little slither of the internet but, whilst celebrating so many women and openly discussing their fears and concerns for the future, I couldn’t bring myself to glaze over it. This should not have happened. And the police response just shows how much of a problem there really is. There is so much work to be done. But I hope that, on this bittersweet Mother’s Day, you can see that there is good in the world and, if we band together, we can make huge ripples of positive change in the world around us. I wanted to put this post out today of all days to shine a light on one of the many women who brings me endless joy and inspiration. I hope you have women like that in your life too. Listen to them, believe them, support them and celebrate them. We are in this together.

You will have to forgive this short, albeit necessary, introduction as I do not want to take the focus away from Alice but I feel as though I need to explain my thought process behind this next post.

After meaningful conversations with friends, I always come always feeling inspired; reflective and motivated. The same can be said for this blog. I get to listen back to the interviews, relive the memories, pick apart what people have said and ask the whole world to celebrate them with me. Once each post has gone live, I am thrilled that more people get to read about these incredible people and get a glimpse into what makes them human.

I invite you all into an open letter to each of my guests after their final blog has been posted. I want to outline what their slices of honesty mean to me and how they better help me to understand people. If nothing else, see this as a bookmark in their story.

Dear Alice,

Firstly, I want to say thank you for being my first guest for this project. I cannot think of anyone better to introduce to the world straight away. From the moment I told you I was pursuing writing again, I knew you would back me 100%. That loyalty is something I hope I echo in our friendship. Within the first hour of telling you my plan, you had already designed me a logo, given me advice on websites and offered your time. I cannot say how comforting it is to have a cheerleader like you. The way you talk about friends and friendships is inspiring and I can say, first hand, that you put your all into those around you. Through things like these conversations, I am starting to do the same.

You have known who you are since day dot and that was something I was incredibly envious of. I still don’t know who I am but to hear someone I love talk about themselves in a way that exudes confidence and sureness fills me with hope (and, above all else, joy). I have had the honour of privilege of watching you grow into the woman you are today and you put so much of that down to your family life and being dealt a “good hand”. Your modesty really shone through because you seldom mentioned the mind-blowing amount of hard work you continue to put into every project you start. Somewhere along the way, in a mere 27 years, you have found a balance between celebrating yourself and celebrating others without letting either be dimmed. That is something I am working towards.

Your approach to confrontation and honesty makes so much more sense to me now: knowing yourself the way you do stands you in good stead for unfamiliar circumstances. You always seem prepared and, maybe behind the surface that may not be 100% true but, whilst you are aware of how others see you, I don’t think you are phased by judgement. You have deep seated morals and beliefs which are unwavering and you have formed such solid circles around you because those like-minded people feel loved and wanted by you. Which we are. Talking to you always reminds me of why we have stayed such close friends for 15 years.

I could go on but, truthfully, I don’t want to make future features feel jealous. Just know that everything you do inspires me and so many others. Thank you.

You, of all people, know what it means to be; Alice.

All my love, always,

Mitch
xo

ALICE; a graphic designer;

**“I think that all the bad in the world is down to miscommunication.”**

This time around, Alice opened up about her tumultuous journey through higher education, the importance of integrity in everyday life and her dream career as well as how physically planning helps her stay motivated.

Alice’s pronouns are “she/her”.

What does a regular day in Alice’s mind look like?

I don’t think my mind is ever quiet. I don’t have any moments of, I don’t want to say peace because I am at peace with myself, but my brain is not very peaceful. It’s always going on up there. When I get into a task, I can be very one track minded. Particularly if I am creating, I am into it – that’s what I’m doing. What’s so funny is that I feel like I’m such a person that has succumb to media so I really do make a concerted effort if the thing in which I am focusing on is a person to not have a phone/television because I am such a goner with other distractions. In my mind, I don’t think it’s ever quiet and I am always thinking about multiple things like the next steps for moving forward. I feel like I’ve got a never ending to-do list in my head. That’s just not professional life, hobbies outside of work or friends. It’s all going on the same list. But it doesn’t feel overcrowded: I’m not upset with how things are. One does get overwhelmed every now and again but I like being busy. I am a proactive person. My mind has got hustle and bustle about it, that’s what I’ll say.

What part do relationships and love play in your daily life?

I think they play an integral role. I think a big positive of mine is the fact I have been able to cultivate and juggle a lot of meaningful relationships whether they are romantic or platonic. I have people I have been friends with since I was 3 years old that I still speak to regularly. I feel for the most part, with the people that I have wanted to, I have been really able to continue cultivating a long lasting and meaningful relationship with them. I love that I have a lot of friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am thankful for each and every one of them. In regards to that, I feel like they play a massive part in my life. If anything good or bad happens, I want to celebrate or commiserate with the people around me and I like to think that I am somebody who is good at articulating but also good at listening. Linking to me enjoying graphic communication, I think communication on any plane is integral to serendipity or success. Nirvana! Because I have been lucky enough to surround myself with wonderful people, I would never go a day without speaking to one person. I cannot see that happening.

What aspect of friendship do you value the most?

Integrity.
There would be honesty, loyalty and sincerity. I can have a laugh and kick back! But I feel like I’m very sincere with what I say to those that I care about. For the most part, I’m somebody who doesn’t shy away from confrontation. I don’t like elephants in rooms. I want to know where I stand. It comes down to the perception of self. For me, with any type of interaction with anyone (sounds very broad) I am happy for you to judge me on decisions I have made when I have all the information. What I worry about is my decisions being judged if I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. If I don’t have the truth, how can I react to a situation authentically if I have in turn not been given authenticity? For me, integrity in any relationship is important. I feel like I’m quite a proud person which has its pros and cons, honestly. I am somebody who walks with their shoulders back, comfortable in who they are. I don’t want to say “life” taught me that but I guess in the words of Fall Out Boy “sometimes the only pro to having any faith is when it’s tested again and again”. Whether it’s work, people, whatever – you are always being challenged about who you are and what you bring to the table. It’s through being challenged and being dealt the cards of life that you better understand where you fit into this dumpster fire. I think there’s an aspect of innate confidence and I don’t feel like I’ve ever been a shy person. That’s not to say that I don’t get anxious or apprehensive but I have never in my life let that get in the way of what I want to do. Never in my life have I copped out of doing something because I was scared. Everybody has feelings of doubt and that is what a support system is there for. I don’t think I surround myself with yes men and, if I ask somebody’s opinion, I want their opinion and I am asking them because I respect that. And absolutely I will have a “what the fuck am I doing with my life?” moment – everybody has existential crises every now and again but I think that if you just give up then… what is there?

What do you do to make a positive impact on the world/others around you?

I’m a vegan? Is it that?! I’ve been a vegan for so long that it doesn’t feel like a conscious decision anymore. It’s become so ingrained in my life – you never want to say never but the best way for me to describe my outlook on veganism is when it comes to meat and dairy products the juice is never worth the squeeze to me. Did you know that quarter pounder burger creates the same amount of emissions as a flight from London to Malaga? Beef is horrendous for the environment!

What do you do to stay motivated?

Staying motivated is an interesting way to put it because I don’t think anybody always stays motivated. I think motivation comes and goes. But I guess to maintain motivation would be recognising and celebrating the small wins and the steps that you’re taking towards whatever your goal may be. Sometimes, myself included, you can try something once or return to something and it doesn’t go quite how you planned so then you’re like “well, I’m never going to do that again” but that’s just not productive. So I think taking stock and celebrating what you’re doing and how far you’ve come [is great]. More of a practical thing is I love a good planner. I love to have both a physical planner as well as digitally on my phone so guess knowing what time I have to do what, when I have that time, gives me something to look forward to and work towards: chiselling out time for myself when I can get creative. I think there is definitely a lot in habits and reflexes that you introduce into your life and just keeping at it.

What was your deciding factor to pursue your hobby as a career?

For me, it happened twice. Graphic design was something I was interested in in my early teenage years. I really enjoyed communicating and people communicating graphically. I think AdLand and communication, whether it is for a commercial purpose or otherwise, it has always been incredibly interesting to me. I like the saying of “a picture tells a 1000 words”. I don’t consider myself an illustrator; rather a creative, a designer and a print maker. I wouldn’t consider myself an artist or illustrator by any stretch of the imagination. Graphic design is something that can be shown to so many people and it’s just a really efficient way of doing that. I guess when I was in school and considering that, it really spoke to me and I really enjoyed it. I did the traditional trajectory of somebody who wishes to follow design: I went to London where the streets are paved with gold. Even when I was going to art school (in 2012), even before then, London was out of its heyday. Typically, in ye olde times, it was very much “you go to London and become a graphic designer” and that’s what I got in my head as to what I was to do and so I jumped through the hoops necessary for me to get there and go. However, when I did get there it wasn’t what I thought I had signed up for. I was not a good fit for the course I was on and you have a bit of an identity crisis when that happens. I had spent years working towards this goal and I had seemingly got there but in actual fact, I was miserable. I went to university there for a year and then I moved back home and now, being outside of finishing my undergrad in the same subject, for me it was never something for me that I thought I lost. I think my initial higher education experience dulled the shine but i wouldn’t say it snubbed out the spark for it either. I was perfectly happy being an adult for a while – earning money and spending money – learning what it is to be in the working world. I got a part time job in coffee at 16 and I never planned it would go the way it would. I planned on being there for a few years to support myself through university and arguably that is what I have done. The second time, I had just got out of a long term relationship and moved back in with my parents. I would say after a few months, I was starting to think about what my next moves were. It was always in the back of my head to potentially go back to school and I think, for me, whilst I wasn’t 18 anymore, I thought to myself “well, I’m not married, I don’t have children or a mortgage. If I want to go back to art school, if not now, when?” so I ended up going back to school at 24. So I would say then! Does that answer the question?!

How does your future profession link to your personal life? And how does it affect your sense of accomplishment day to day?

I think what is interesting about people’s sense of accomplishment in a capitalist society is that often your job is well intertwined with how you feel about yourself as a whole. I really wish I was the type of person who earnt money to live but then how I did that didn’t necessarily bother me and then I just made money when I needed money and lived more of a nomadic existence. However, I don’t have the balls to do that! I think for me with a dream scenario what’s really interesting in the language that we use like “work life”, “home life” and “romantic life” – it’s all the same thing really. I think everybody is struggling to find that balance between what they do as a living and how they choose to live. I would like to think that even if I were to be in the position that I want to now, I would have a balance. An equilibrium is paramount when it comes to living.

What is your end goal in terms of your professional life?

I would love to be paid to create and communicate what I want. Ideally, in a perfect world, I would love to be one of those people that people question “how the fuck did they make money?” [laughs]. I think for a while I wanted to work in a design agency and do the traditional trajectory of a designer but the more I think about it, I feel I’m a lot less commercial. I just enjoy creating and having a creative outlet and an audience that is appreciative and wants to respond to it. One brilliant thing about the human race is our capacity to communicate and being able to do that creatively is something that I am incredibly drawn to. That is a cog in a machine that I am happy to be a part of. I think that all the bad in the world is down to miscommunication.

Alice’s final 8 questions will feature soon.

You can find more of Alice on her YouTube channel, Twitter and Instagram. She is also contactable through her website here.