“If you feel too much, don’t go. There is still some time.” – Jamie Tworkowski.
I have started this year all wrong. Everything I promised myself, I have consciously ignored. I’ve drunk wine. I haven’t done any exercise. I’ve spent far too moments sat with anxiety. And I haven’t written anything.
But that’s the good thing about New Years Resolutions: they are bullshit. You don’t have to wait until the dawning of a 366th day to start something new. Yesterday is the best time to start bettering yourself.
With every failure comes a crippling sense of despair; a never-ending loop of self-absorption, bitterness and fury all whilst lacking any wherewithal to improve. But really, what are these failures if not just examples of “being”. Maybe it’s laziness, maybe it’s fear or maybe it’s pride… But I am being lazy, being fearful and being too proud. Sometimes I am grateful just to be, even if it feels like it’s never enough. Or far too much. One day, there won’t be any more time to just be.
I want this piece to be a challenge, not only to myself but to you reading. A challenge to think in a different way. I am naturally drawn to the negatives of everything. I have spent 30+ years preparing for a worst case scenario so that if (and/or when) it happens, I am prepared for any turmoil that comes with it. If it doesn’t pan out in a catastrophe, then what an unexpected joy I can bask in. This is a challenge to consciously seek out the things which bring you joy.
Gratitude is a word which is thrown around but never really picked apart. Why is being grateful so important? What power does it possess? What does it really do for a human who can only live in the moment? It’s something which is best understood in times gone by: in moments of reflection, pining or heartbreak. What would you do if somebody told you to sit and think of ten things you are grateful for in this very moment? How easy would it be to reel off a meaningful, honest list? For me, nigh on impossible.
A colleague of mine signed up to a wellbeing app which asks you a question every morning. At the end of last year, on one of our last working days together, it asked her “what do you feel most grateful for today?”. She told me it took her far too long to tune into her gratitude but she ended up with the answer: her legs. She uses them to dance. And run. And they let her walk to places she wants to see. It was an alien concept that took me the best part of a month to digest: her best friend is in a wheelchair. At one point or another, we all take something for granted which others were once grateful for. Youth. Beauty. Memory. Happiness. Freedom.
It’s not the start of the year which has made me reflect. It’s just the side route my broken brain has taken me on. Whilst there is bad in everything, and it’s far too easy recognise, I have to remind myself that there can be good in those places too. That being said, here are some of the things I feel truly grateful for. Maybe you do too.
The internet can answer nearly every question we have in a heartbeat (depending on your provider and SafeSearch settings).
Music exists and saves lives every waking minute.
Love is real. So many different kinds.
Animals are the purest souls on the planet and have absolutely no awareness of that fact.
We can heal: our skin can be mended and so can our hearts and brains.
Most lip balms really work.
You can create your own chosen family.
A lot of art is free and accessible.
Celebrating others’ successes doesn’t take away from your own.
Maths is a universal language. So is smiling.
Drag artists are the mascots of the queer community. And drag is mainstream now.
We are getting closer and closer to finding a cure for cancer.
A lot of people really care about how music is made: how it’s written, produced and delivered is just as important as how it sounds and charts.
Wearing black will always be timeless.
Accomplishments and tragedies bring us closer together. There is no light without darkness. But there also can’t be darkness without light.
Cruelty free products are fashionable and on the rise.
There will forever be an abundance of emotionally damaged female singer/songwriters. I hope that lasts forever.
People can forgive and forget.
Modern medicine works.
Our jobs are not our lives. We have so many outlets that don’t exist in a professional environment. We are learning to work to live, not live to work.
Words are powerful.
There is still some time. For you. For me. For all of us.
I have to say it again. “It’s okay. If you feel too much, there’s still a place for you here. If you feel too much, don’t go. There is still some time.”
2024 started with a whimper and not a bang. It’s taken me too long to just sit and let myself be; to think about how I feel and what I want to say. It’s taken me too long to get over the fear of writing again. It’s turns out that what I needed to focus on my gratitude was more time. And what is another year if not more time?
More than anything, and maybe for the first time in my life, I am grateful for some more time. I hope you are too.
”There are two types of people in the world – those who perform and those who watch.” – Joe Tracini
Something I have become hyper aware of is my presence; in more ways than one. It’s become a chore to just “be” which is a painful irony given that I have set this corner of the internet aside to explore exactly that. It feels like this crushing pressure to be so in every moment that seeing the forest for the trees is another matter entirely. Whether it’s a conversation, a moment of serenity or an event, I cannot seem to find a sweet spot of existence.
My husband and I went to watch Ellie Goulding live recently. If anyone knows me, they know that this counts as a “Very Fucking Big Deal” and, of course, it was. Without dragging you through every moment of the two hour spectacle, we reached the end of the show and she started a speech all about being in the moment and putting your phones away. “When I started going to shows, we didn’t have phones to hide behind so, please, just dance with me for this one” she preached to the crowd. I echoed her sentiment – sure enough, when I started going to gigs, we didn’t film every exclusive and take blurry pictures from 15 metres away. We watched, we sang, we danced and we thrived. Falling on deaf ears, nearly everyone in the the first three rows whipped their phones out to hastily film what ended with a whimper, not a bang (that’s personal preference for you). What is so pressing that we have to document every waking moment of our lives? Is it that we want to share our memories with those around us? Maybe it’s that we need to feel our voice is heard and our presence is felt. “I promise you, you’ll never look at those photos again!” Ellie laughed as she started strumming away and bouncing around the stage. I’m sure she’s right.
Weeks prior, I had been to see Fall Out Boy with two friends, another “Very Fucking Big Deal”. These thoughts of being present were whipping around my head as we drove to Birmingham whilst I was battling with a niggling anxiety of having never been to this venue before. There wasn’t a moment of silence on the car ride there whilst we touched on every topic known to man, catching up after months of adulthood dragged us apart. It was bliss. And I felt present enough. We ate food, we laughed, we danced our way through two hours of nostalgic rock music, and we enjoyed ourselves. The car ride home was much quieter as I was in the back seat, tearing myself apart. Was I really there? Do I remember the music? Did the girls love the show? It’s this “post-event” evaluation which leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
I have been reading up on “flow”, an idea of time passing by rapidly whilst you are doing something you enjoy. In Csikszentmihalyi’s words, flow is “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter.” Another site tells us: ‘When in a flow state, people pay no attention to distractions and time seems to pass without any notice.” This really hones in on the idea of presence, given that these flow states mean you are solely focusing on one thing. For me, it’s writing, listening to music, playing videos games: escaping. It can be anything for anyone. An inspirational friend of mine takes great pleasure in swimming through ice cold lakes and murky depths: it screams “different strokes for different folks” entirely but the way she shares her inspiration and growth is something altogether magnificent.
Maybe we are present whilst we are engaging in something: it’s just that “time flies when you’re having fun” so it feels as though it’s over before it began. What does it really mean to be in the moment? Is it the feeling of nirvana whilst you are there, one you can barely recall when you’re back to reality? Is it mementos – photos, videos, fleeting memories – you can harken back to? Time passing by is inevitable but, when it moves so quickly you are barely there, it brings up the concern of what you are going back to when the party is over.
Everything ends, that’s a given. But why am I so unsettled with the thought of things finishing? Is there some strange, repressed notion of life which I can’t face going back to? I am happy (read as: “happy enough”) with so many aspects of life: marriage, home life, career, friendships, family. Things are great most of the time. And yet, this post-fun, emotional comedown leaves me reeling. It’s becoming its own anxiety: the feeling of dread when organising time with friends because it will soon be over. Will I be an active listener whilst we’re talking? Am I taking up too much screen time, per se? How long until I can leave? How am I going to stay present in these moments when I know that they will finish and I’ll crawl back to this feeling of emptiness?
Writing this, I feel present. It’s quiet here, and dark too. There’s magic in silence and darkness. I am not clock watching or word counting. I’m just remembering, feeling and writing. A small iota of hope comes from the knowledge that this will happen again: I can feel like this again. Life is just a series of events for everyone but you are your own main character. Be present. Listen. Talk. Cry. Laugh. Sing. And feel.
We should learn to look back on these moments with more fondness and less loss. They happened. We were there. And we can make new memories after. We just have to pull from our reserves – even when we feel empty – to make sure we can live new experiences again. We may feel one way whilst we’re in the eye of the beast and another when it’s over but it’s all swings and roundabouts, as my dad would tell me. I say that with a smile on my face as I stare at the pixelated, over-edited picture I took of Ellie Goulding all those weeks ago. Maybe she was wrong after all.
“Now I understand what a healthy support system feels like.”
Hannah’s interview comes to a hugely reflective end as she touches on where she has come from, where she is now, and where she wants to be. She might not have all of the answers just yet but that hasn’t stopped Hannah discussing how she finds beauty in the mundane, how her mind works like a puzzle and how she is coming to terms with uncertainty.
Hannah’s pronouns are “she/her”.
What is your biggest fear and how do you prevent that from taking over?
I have two: one is a personal fear and the other is a career fear. The personal fear may be irrational but I am terrified of my family dying and I think that is pretty obvious. And actually, on reflection, quite rational. What do I do to stop that? I just ignore it! Repress, repress, repress. It’s going to happen but we will cross that bridge when it comes. I have experience of an immediate family member dying and that was horrendous. Because I know how that felt, I am fearful of feeling that pain again. I know it’s going to happen and because I am only child, I am scared of being that alone but I, even though you can prepare yourself for that, I don’t want it to happen. I try not to think about that. The career fear is not achieving my dreams. That is one of my biggest ones. Now that I am 30, and not quite running out of time, it’s making me realise all of the pressure we put on ourselves. I am nowhere near when I want to be. The pandemic has stopped so much. My mind says “well, we are here now and nowhere near where we want to be so let’s keep trying”. I am scared I won’t be a successful actor. I think therapy really helps with that. If I think about it too much, I will spiral but it’s about finding joy outside of that. Acting is not the be all and end all. I have to find things which fulfil outside of this part of me otherwise we are [she whispers] fucked.
What is something you really want to do/start that you aren’t doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What can you put into place to achieve it?
That’s really hard! The first thing that comes to mind is that I would love to own my own flat in London but that is not something we can check back on easily. There are a lot of steps involved. Number 1 is making money and the property ladder is too hard to get on. A realistic thing? Let’s say a genuine thing is that I want to leave the pub and invest more time and money in acting. Actually! I can answer that. Something I really want to do is be a full time, freelance actor. It’s not because I really hate the pub because I am in a very privileged position where my job does allow for flexibility to pursue my acting career. It gives me stability to go off and do other things. My boss is actually my friend too which is fantastic. It’s just that the pub is not creatively fulfilling for me which makes it quite difficult to do. I would like to, at some point, give that up and put all of my attention and effort into my acting career and I am doing that now. I want to keep the same peace and control of my time in lockdown throughout my entire life because this does actually make me really happy. Why I’m not doing that now is because I am not financially in a position to be full time freelance just yet. My plan was to save enough money to support myself for 6 months so I can take a sabbatical of some sort but I need to have a financial cushion. London is really expensive to live in. When things re-open, and I get a full salary, I will save more and push harder at the career.
What type of outlook on life do you have? Where do you think that comes from?
I am quite impulsive, quite spontaneous I think. Wait. Am I spontaneous? I would like to think I am more spontaneous that I am. I am definitely still impulsive: I do move through life taking each day as it comes. I don’t do a lot of forward planning which works against me sometimes. I don’t really have a clear idea of where I am going. I know where I want to be but I am so unsure of myself in terms of how to get there. I don’t always trust my judgement in where I am going so it’s hard to navigate my way through life with a plan. I would like to be more positive even though I do have a positive outlook on life. I just doubt myself every step of the way so I I feel more cynical. Interestingly, I was having a conversation with my mum because she always says “I don’t know what happened. You were such a confident child!” And when I talk to her about my mental health, self-worth and self-esteem, she is confused because she doesn’t know where it’s come from. We share that confusion. In some ways, I am extroverted and a confident person but I think that is a front that I actually believe. I don’t know where things changed. I was a confident child and I am still am to an extent but there is so much doubt. It might be because I am not where I want to be and I’m not getting there as fast as I had hoped which is causing me to have so much doubt and feel really insecure which affects my self-esteem. I am truly a positive and confident person but, because things aren’t happening how I thought they would happen, it’s causing my to struggle internally. I am internalising the rejection I face and it’s making me doubt myself and that is where the shift has come from. I couldn’t tell you when that started but I would love to be fearless again, like when I was younger. There is such a sense of playfulness in childhood and everything is fun. There is so much curiosity and you lose that when you are older because you are bogged down by responsibility and that sucks! You’ve got to find that sense of play and silliness. That’s joy, isn’t it?
What book/album/film/artist/play has changed your life? What did you take from it?
I saw Alice’s answer to this question. [Ed: “Oh wow, you’re a fan.”] When I said I read your blog, I really do read it! I knew I would struggle with this because I will have no idea. Do you know what? The thing that got me really excited about performing. I had a VHS of “Annie/Oliver”: it was a two film VHS and I used to watch those two films all the time as a kid, just over and over and over again. I first really got excited about performance through watching musicals. I wanted to be all singing and all dancing and that matched my personality so much as kid. My favourites would be “Annie”, “Oliver”, “West Side Story”, “Chicago” (with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellwigger and Queen Latifa. LOVE. THAT. FILM.) [Hannah proceeds to sing “He Had It Coming” nearly in full]. I love a group song and dance number. It literally brings tears to my eyes. If I hear an orchestral piece of music, and I hear that choir of voices, it moves something in me. I feel like I’m going to cry now thinking about it. It feels and sounds lovely: those harmonies, this community of people working together to create this, I want to be a part of it. I guess that is what changed my life. Musicals changed my life? How gross. I am not a musical theatre person, that is not my industry but I love musicals so much. It’s that old school Hollywood vibe. I just love it.
What song should we listen to whilst reading this about you?
Oh my god. Okay, give me two seconds. I did a desert islands discs interview for a show two years ago. I am going to go with “Black Gold of the Sun” by Rotary Connection. I really like that song. It’s just one of my favourite songs.
Name five beautiful things in life. Tell me why you think they are beautiful.
The natural world. It’s so intricate and connected: it’s magical. Deep and meaningful connections with human beings. We need them for support. Life is easier when you have people around you that want to help. I keep banging on about this but it’s because it’s only recently that I have allowed people in to support me in that way. Now I understand what a healthy support system feels like. Finding small pockets of joy in the mundane. You have to find joy where you can in these times. The world is so brutal that you’ve got to find small sparkles of joy. Grab the joy where you can. Delicious food. I guess that is connected to small joys in life. Actually taking the time to enjoy what you are eating or what is nourishing you. I feel like food can sometimes be seen as an inconvenience: it can get in the way. Or you have a working lunch or be on your phone/watching TV whilst you are eating. But then you don’t enjoy what you are doing. You need to take time to enjoy what nourishes you. Rest. Is that beautiful or necessary?! That is connected to taking care of oneself. Actually no, scrap that. I think it should be the choir of voices that I spoke about earlier.
If you could sum up your life so far in one word, what it would be and why?
A jigsaw puzzle. I am piecing it together. Not fragmented because that feels like scattered parts. It’s not broken up like that. I am referring back to the analogy of fitting my way through my day. Through my life, it feels like Crystal Maze. You have to complete the task and then pass through to the next section. It’s a mad scramble like “this fits in this hole, that doesn’t work so let’s try something else, try to cut it in half RIGHT that’s worked, onto the next thing”. It has felt like trying to fit different parts of a puzzle together. I have all of the pieces but they might not work at that time. There is a bigger picture but we have lost the jigsaw box. We have the outline, the edges are there, but we are working on trying to figure out the picture. There has got to be something that joins them.
What do you think the meaning of your life is?
[laughs] I have no idea. All I know is that I have an affinity to a sense of community and belonging. Whether that means bringing people together or helping a group of people or being part of something that is bigger, I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know the meaning of my life is. I haven’t figured it out.
After talking through all of this, what have you learnt about yourself or your life? What do you feel the need to reflect on?
I talk such shite – such drivel! The puzzle analogy even works for piecing my sentences together. I have learnt I still do not have a clear idea of where I am going. It’s an exciting experience just living moment to moment. I am really enjoying the current period of discovery that I am in. I feel like I have focus but I would like a little bit more direction. I know where I want to be and I need to trust myself more in the process and not doubt every turn I make. Does that make sense? [Ed: “That makes perfect sense. What a fitting bookmark in your story.”] I have learnt that I still don’t know where I am going. I think I will forever live in uncertainty… I am okay with it and I am not okay with it.
My love letter to Hannah will go live tomorrow.
You can keep up to date with what Hannah is up to on her Instagram here. She also runs an incredible self-help account called you may grow.
“I don’t know where I want to end up but I know what I want to achieve.”
I have been waiting for this moment where I get to explore Katie’s love for songwriting and creating music. The skill set she has will undoubtedly be inspirational for so many others and it’s a joy to share this with the world (for free, too!). Katie talks us though her clean mind, her love of lists, how she came to write songs and why she wants a build a studio in her back garden.
This is Katie’s, very fitting, middle eight and she allowed us to a shine a light on her passion.
Katie’s pronouns are “she/her”.
What does a regular day in Katie’s mind look like?
In my mind?! Oooh! If I’m being super honest, there would be lots of side servings of guilt, intermittently showing up for no reason: constantly thinking I have wronged someone or I haven’t done enough. But other than that, in mind I like things clean. I am constantly walking past things that need to be dusted or scrubbed or there are cracks in the wall that I need to paint over. This is the mundane stuff that happens in my head. I am a clean freak these days but primarily, I always feel grateful. I honestly wake up most days and think “how?!” – I feel like I am ‘punching above’ with my whole life: my house, my job, my friendships, my hot husband. I think “how did I end up here? I don’t remember but it’s amazing”. I feel super grateful in my mind. That is quite a large narrative that makes me the way I am with joy and positivity. It’s because you can’t help it because you are so grateful… it exudes all the time! I am quite an extrovert and I want to connect with people all the time: I am on my phone a lot, sending voice notes and funny messages or organising calls in the evening. Most of what I do in my mind during the day is making sure I stay up to date with people’s lives. That makes me feel connected, alive and loved.
What part do relationships and love play in your daily life?
I am quite an outward facing person so I gain energy from other people. Relationships are a big thing in my life. I like feeling close with people and updated on their lives. I like knowing what to ask them the next time I see them. It makes people feel really valued and loved. I hold relationships very highly, definitely. Sometimes that equals people pleasing for me so I have to watch that. The guilt I spoke about comes from people pleasing. It’s an insatiable monster that makes you think you need to give out more than you can and you end up thinking you are never in the right with people. That is a stupid aspect of my brain that I would like to get better at. But in terms of love? What a strange notion. My notion of love in itself has morphed again since being married and the daily choices that entails. Seeing everything of another person and loving all of the good and bad bits. Learning to love someone “as is” and loving yourself “as is” and accepting that but not trying to change each other. Also, going out of your way to do something you don’t like because the other person you love likes it is hard but you do it. The notion of love is changing from being someone else to being an active participant in this life together.
What aspect of friendship do you value the most?
I have some friendships which I would see as more one way rather than two way. This is very honest! What I am trying to say is, because I am such a people person and that is my happy place, I sometimes attract people who just want to chat with me rather than we both chat together. The thing I value most in a friendship is that people want to know about me. It’s the asking of the questions. Just “how has your day been?”. Something as simple as that! The conversation isn’t just going one way. Someone wanting to know about me. Even this conversation, even if it’s for a blog, I am loving it because it feels like you are taking interest [Ed: “Oh, I am.”]. It doesn’t matter where that asking questions take place: in a park, at a meal, on your sofa with a glass of red, I don’t care how much has been spent or where we are or the effort made but it’s in the asking of the questions that I feel most valued. Reciprocity! It’s the exchange, the tit for tat. Being on the same page and feeling equal.
What do you do to make a positive impact on the world/others around you?
It’s an odd thing to think about what you’re good at but it’s good to acknowledge it. I think I am good at looking after people. It’s one of my favourite things to host people and cook for them. I have had it spoken over me that I would be a mother to many. This was in a Christian setting but, hypothetically speaking, I would have a lot of people coming to me to chill and be looked after. I feel alive when looking after others. Also, I am quite scared of saying stuff to people and coming across as a knowitall. For most of my friendships, when they come to me and are struggling, I will always be like “why don’t you talk to them?”. I will always have something I want to share: wisdom or a tidbit. There are lots of younger girls who want to talk to me about the music industry and I can tell them what I think. They appreciate that and recognise I might be a step ahead of them in the journey. I enjoy imparting wisdom in that way because it’s a pleasure for me to help people. Although, I do want to be careful that I am not judgemental, assumptious or bossy. I know I can be those things sometimes. Sometimes it’s easier for the person outside to see compared to the person inside. I am always fearful of being those three things, though.
What do you do to stay motivated?
Lists! They are all around my house. Books and books of lists. The thing that has made me thrive in all areas (managing a bar, being a songwriter, being involved in church stuff) is my organisational skills. The reason I have excelled at the things that I have been pushed into derives from me writing things down and I then I can’t not do it. I guilt trip myself into thinking it’s staring at me from the paper until I do it. I have a list of house jobs on my phone that I need to do – and I don’t need that list! – and that could be slightly on the neurotic side but it keeps me motivated.
What was your deciding factor to pursue songwriting?
There was a pivotal moment that I can tell you. I started writing songs at 13/14 on a rubbish Yamaha keyboard: it was more like jingles. I could hear melodies in my head but couldn’t play the piano and I didn’t want to write with anyone else because I was too embarrassed about my music (which was pretty much nursery rhymes). I have sang my whole life and I know I’m an alright singer but I thought it could never be a career. I went to NGM [New Generation Music] to study singing and street dance… Yes, that was me! At one point, there was a charity night and Ray Goudie, who was the leader who has now passed away unfortunately, he was encouraging us to go onto stage and say something that we wanted. He wanted us to be vulnerable. I was 18, really young and annoying, and I said “I want to write more songs”. Ray took the microphone off of me and said “as of this moment, I am taking you out of dance and putting you into a songwriting room. When they are dancing, you are writing songs”. From that point on, I was in a room by myself, songwriting. That was the first time I realised someone thought I was good enough to do that as a job. Over the years I identified what my writing style was and felt more confident in the ideas I was bringing. I became an artist myself and then started writing for other people. And today, I am a fully fledged songwriter. The moment I said it out loud was pivotal and Ray made that decision for me and pushed me. But it worked. Cheers Ray!
How does writing songs link to your personal life? And how does it affect your sense of accomplishment day to day?
Great question! Say the first half again. [laughs]. It is everything. Especially during COVID, I am self employed. I can write from the comfort of my own home which is amazing. Not many creators are like this but I love being my own boss. I get to organise all of my own time and schedule every week. My profession means my personal life is super chilled. It’s not work vs play because work is my dream job. I don’t have this “9 to 5” mentality. For me, I know I work harder in the week so then my weekends are chilled. I do tend to keep the weekend and week separate. The upside is you can say yes to the workload you have capacity for and you get paid for something you love. The downside is that you feel you should always be working. People email me all the time. I work with people in LA who are on an opposite time and I sometimes feel I have to respond to that straight away. Sometimes it is a lonely profession too. You have to find everything within yourself because, if it doesn’t come from you, it’s not going to happen. This sense of accomplishment thing is hard. In my logical, rational brain, I would say I have done over and above what I thought I would do. If I list my achievements out loud, I am like “never in a million years would that happen.” However, because the music industry is as it is, it makes you think you can always get bigger and better, and there is such a focus on statistics and likes, you constantly want to better your numbers and you are encouraged to do that. You have to keep beating your records. The only problem is you will never realise when you reach the top of the mountain. You don’t stand there and celebrate the big things: you are told to think your next video could get 2 million views next time and that robs your small celebratory moments from me and that’s not right.
What is your end goal in terms of your professional life?
I don’t know where I want to end up but I know what I want to achieve. I want to tour in China which could happen by the end of this year. I want to work with more younger female artists on a body of work: on an album and be their emotional support and songwriter. I would like, at some point, to transition to A&R label and manager side. I have seen so much of this side and I want to take that knowledge and wisdom and, by using my organisational skills, it would be a fun way to go. I do worry it would make super bitter [laughs] to see the reality of behind closed doors. Also, one of the bigger goals, I would love to own a studio with Robbie or build one in our back garden and people would come to us to record their album. Robbie would produce and I would songwrite and we could host along the way. It encompasses everything we are good at: hosting, writing, producing, organising, cooking, family time. That would be the dream for later on in life.
Katie’s final questions will go live on Sunday.
You can follow Katie Sky on her YouTube channel, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook page. She also has a huge catalogue of songs available on Spotify and Apple Music.
“I will never dilute myself down for anyone ever again.”
I had the honour and privilege of talking to one of my favourite people ever, Katie, a few weeks ago. Our friendship is far more than skin deep and we discuss these things quite frequently and openly so it means a lot that Katie would let me share her story so publicly. We delved straight into her marriage, her relationship with God and what she has taken from a lockdown of songwriting.
These first 8 questions are the merely the beginnings of a much bigger conversation.
Katie’s pronouns are “she/her”.
Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.
My name is Kat, Katie Sky, Kitty, Kit-Kat, Aunt Kathy! I have many names and guises but they all stem from my real name Catherine. I was born in Greenfield in Oldham, up north. I have lived in Bristol for 14 years and am not going to move any time soon. I am a singer and songwriter full time -professional! I love writing songs: it’s the reason I am alive and I am addicted to it and I will continue to do so until I am not cool enough anymore. I like reading books, I love cooking, I am still trying to be a runner as everyone is in lockdown. I love travelling to other countries, understanding different cultures and learning about different people. I am a Christian and a lover of Jesus. That’s it…. This is way more than 30 seconds isn’t it? [Ed: “yes, it certainly is Kitty”].
What has your experience with COVID been like?
In general, I feel super lucky that I managed to get married just before COVID hit and I moved in with my husband so I haven’t had to be by myself. I am an extrovert and wouldn’t have been able to cope with that. I have had Robbie [husband] to weather this storm with. We have had lots of bonding in our first year of marriage and that’s been amazing. Music has really stepped up for me over the last year too. So many people have been struggling financially and questioning their career choices because society has literally stopped but that has not happened for me or Robbie. It’s been coming in: lots of paid music jobs. I had a lot of releases last year. I think 17? Last year, during the peak of COVID, music was saving me. It will always save me but, financially through COVID, it has saved me. The downsides of it is missing family and friends. The thing which has upset me the most has been not seeing my 1 year old niece and nearly 2 year old nephew who are growing so much and changing and I haven’t been there for any of it. That has been the same for everyone around the country but that has been my biggest struggle: not seeing those two little squidgies! I am hearing “now they can stand up, now they can walk, now they can say your name” and I want to see those stages but I feel I have missed out. It’s scary because you feel like you will never get that time back.
Reflect on your mental and physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you are well every day?
This is interesting because I have taken up a few more recently. Something I have done every day for the last month and a half is flossing my teeth! I wanted to get better at it because I want Invisalign. My dentist literally said to me “if you do not floss every day for the next three months until I next see you, I won’t give you Invisalign.”. That ultimatum really works for me. In terms of other mental health attitudes, I like listening to good music every day and having a dance around my house. People put things on social media saying that dancing is a physical way to put yourself in a positive state of mind. A little dance will cheer me up! The other thing I do a lot in my mind is pray. I always want to become a better version of myself and a part of Christianity is wanting to deal with and be self aware of the things we are not good at and the things we are really good at. You acknowledge the two and their differences and then focus on how to influence the people around you for good.
Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network?
Yes. I was thinking the other day – if you go onto someone’s Whatsapp, isn’t it telling how many groups you are part of? I’ve got hundreds! Not sure if that’s a good thing or a burden. But I can see the amount of amazing people I could text to say “I need you” and they would come running. I am stupidly grateful for that. My friends are all different people – from all walks of life – but there is always common ground no matter what friendship it is. As well as having two best friend big sisters, I have obviously got a super fit husband who is also my best friend. He will listen to me talk even if he doesn’t understand me. There is so much support from him. Then a plethora of friendship groups who would do anything for me too. As I am saying it now, it’s crazy how many people I have in my life who I love.
What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?
I’m the youngest of three: I have two older sisters. We are textbook “eldest, middle and youngest child”. The older I have got and have studied these “syndromes” and characteristics they are, the more I realise we are textbook. Even now, I am seen as the baby and my parents are like “oh well done!” if I do anything. Parents can never switch off – they are going to be my parents for the rest of their lives. It doesn’t matter that I am old enough and ugly enough to look after myself. They will always ring and say “have you drunk enough water?”. That is something that will always make me laugh: that I will always be the youngest to them in a good way. Having two older sisters has been amazing. They are so wise and they have gone through everything first. They got married before me; they had kids before me; they moved home before me. It might have been different it they were brothers but to be the same sex as your older siblings, and to have such incredible examples to follow through life, [is amazing]. We all have very different personalities but there is still that thing where I look back and realise I was using them as the example of the right things to do because they did it first, before me. It’s amazing to have two older sisters that I love and respect as much as then. Then Mum and Dad – flipping heck! I am so grateful that they are still together and that is such a rarity. They have been an incredible example of what marriage is and what love looks like. They were the type of parents who let us try anything we wanted to do. I did violin for 7 years when I was younger and I got up one day like “I don’t want to do that anymore” and they said “yeah that’s fine, you’ve tried it!”. Then I wanted to be a goth and Mum let me buy spiky goth chokers and that was fine. Then I wanted to be a majorette and they loved that too. Looking back, I am so thankful. They were quite strict as parents: we had lots of rules in terms of boyfriends and chores. But now I see that is the reason why my work ethic is as strong as it is because they made me work for it. I worked in a fish and chip shop at 16. It looked strict at the time but they were trying to bring these characteristics out into the forefront and it’s worked. I am still super close with Mum and Dad – they call me every other day. I am still super close with both of my sisters in my life. I go straight to them for any wisdom.
Where do you find your daily inspiration?
It depends what you mean! If it’s inspiration for songs, it could be anything. I am reading a book at the moment that is inspiring. I could be watching an episode of Fleabag on Amazon Prime and think “yes feminism! I want to write a song about this”. It could be a conversation I’ve had with a friend when they are struggling with mental health and I can write it from their perspective and tell their story. It could be literally anything. Listening to other people’s music does it too. If you are talking about inspiration in life, that is anything too! I am currently writing this week’s food shop and I am on BBC GoodFood and am excited about everything I can cook. I get very inspired by food because I am a foodie. Also going for walks and being around nature especially during lockdown. Seeing all the buds on the trees, and noticing this shift to Spring and things getting ready to burst forth, is very inspiring. I’ve got plants in the garden which are about to get there. There is a lemon tree in my back garden and the lemons are slowly going yellow and that is inspiring me too.
What do you do for a living? Is it your passion?
I am a full time, professional singer and songwriter. It’s the reason I am alive.
What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?
I think they’ll probably say “wow, she’s loud! Okay, this lady has a lot of confidence.” Or that I am super friendly. Maybe too friendly? I would say loud and friendly. It used to be my hair because it was blue and strangers would be like “oh I love your hair!”. Other than that, they might say something about what I am wearing because I like big, bold patterns.
What do you think is the biggest hardship that you’ve faced in your life so far?
I’m not sure if I would call it a hardship but the worst thing that I have experienced is a relationship I was in nearly ten years ago. I was engaged to a guy and it was the first time in my life where I lost my sense of self. I forgot who I was in this other person. I think that happens more than we would like to admit. I am quite a naive person but I have a thicker skin now because of things like this. Back in the day, I was naive and super friendly and that characteristic, put in contact with someone who would use that against you, was a bad combination. That’s what that relationship was unfortunately. Definitely at the time I hated it but, looking back, I wouldn’t take it back because I understand now I had to go through that to understand who I am and who I am supposed to be. I will never dilute myself down for anyone ever again but I wouldn’t know that now without that. It was an emotionally manipulative and sometimes physically abusive relationship whereby I was pretty much marrying this man: I had a dress and a date. It got very very bad and went into self-destruct mode and took me a while to figure out how bad it was. I managed to get myself out of the situation and never looked back. Thank the Lord for that. Losing who I was for the benefit of someone else is the hardest thing I have faced. That’s not what love is but I know that now.
Katie’s middle 8 will go live on Wednesday.
You can follow Katie Sky on her YouTube channel, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook page. She also has a huge catalogue of songs available on Spotify and Apple Music.
“Whatever makes you different can be your superpower.”
In these final eight questions, Stu and I discussed the other parts of him: from fears to aspirations; outlooks to the meaning of his life. Stu never held back with anything and laid his cards bare on the table which made for some incredible answers.
It’s been a joy to talk to Stu like this and I hope you have all taken something from it.
Stu’s pronouns are “he/him”.
What is your biggest fear? How do you prevent this from taking over?
My biggest fear is loneliness. Being an only child, weirdly I am one of those people who doesn’t like their own company. I do stupid shit when I am on my own because my brain does a wobble. To end up being really lonely would be a nightmare. That is a fear of mine. My friends tell me to do things on my own (which I have done but they’re rubbish) because I do like to have people around me all the time – maybe in a co-dependant way but hopefully not. When I used to live on my own I found that really difficult. I prevent that by hitting people up to make plans but the older you get you realise that people don’t want to meet up in the week because of work. God forbid they get to bed after 10pm! Then the weekend comes and people want to chill out because they’ve had a tough week. You can end up scrambling for things to do or people to meet up with. Luckily enough, I live with Alessio so I always have company and I also have this dickhead [cat]. I didn’t have siblings to play with growing up and it did make me jealous of people who had that. Whenever I had friends round, I was always the person that said “Stay for tea! Play another game! A few more hours!” because I didn’t want to be on my own by the end of the evening.
What is something you really want to do/start that you aren’t doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What can you put into place to achieve it?
Not a lot. I’ve always wanted to do a YouTube channel and now I’ve started it. I’ve always wanted to draw or make a comic book but never got around to it because of the confidence thing. “There are better artists out there. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you putting pen to paper when people can do this better than you?” That instantly stops me doing things. The thing that is stopping me is literally my brain. I need to start drawing for fun again. Just doodle. I can always think of other things to do instead though. Last year, I wanted to do a drawing of each drag artist I know. I started with Ruby [Rawbone] and never did another. I had the wrong paper so bought a new pad but never started again. I used the paper to make little notes to send to people instead!
What type of outlook on life do you have? Are you naturally positive? Where do you think that comes from?
I have a fairly pessimistic outlook on life and that comes from the depressive side of my brain. That’s the most honest answer you’ll get from me. Part of my brain tries to say it’s realistic. I try to look for the best in people and think the best about them but in situations to do with me, I am always pessimistic. A pessimist is never disappointed as they say.
What book/album/film/artist has changed your life? What did you take from it?
I can whittle this down to two things. From an early age, I have always read comics. I understood myself more when I started to read X-Men comics. The X-Men are an allegory for minorities, as we know. I was growing up and not understanding anything about my sexuality (because it was the 80s and 90s with Section 28) in a small town, you just hear and see things on TV and know that whatever you are is “wrong”. This is a comic I was reading where people were born different and they used that to celebrate themselves and help people. I was always reading Batman, Iron Man, Catwoman and they all wore masks. None of the X-Men did that except Wolverine. These people were out and proud. They had codenames but used their real names too. They were superheroes that didn’t mind seeing being seen and were proud to be different. Even Nightcrawler who had blue skin and looked like a monster! Everyone was afraid of him but he was really nice and religious… and didn’t wear a mask. He let people see him. Given that, I hid in the closet for so many years and I probably shouldn’t have. I still read that comic. It’s nice that that was being seen and they were in the public eye. It gave me an outlook of a) don’t judge a book by it’s cover and b) whatever makes you different can be your superpower. Second thing is obviously Garbage [band]. My mum always said she was worried I wouldn’t get into music because I was so into art and comics. She thought videogames would be my thing but she loves music. When I hit my teens, all I wanted to do was listen to music I went from pop to rave and everything that was around in the 90s: the weird hip-hop swing grunge. I latched onto that. I was the only one that gave a shit about NME, Melody Maker, Kerrang. Other people cared about what the Spice Girls were up to. In the 90s, indie rock was given the biggest platform it has ever been given. Female fronted bands had a massive surge in that time. It was huge – even that was in Smash Hits and on Top of the Pops. I enjoyed that part of it. These rebellious women were there and my brain instantly saw them as a woman in a man’s world doing something which men usually do [play rock music]. They were front and centre. They felt like me: not fitting in but not minding and doing my own thing, For some reason, Garbage came along. I heard “Vow” on the Evening Sessions and I remember having this massive stereo and the song started and, as soon as it kicked in and I listened to the lyrics, it kind of floored me. I sat on my ass to listen to the song. A few weeks later, they turned up on TV and from that moment there was something about it. These weird samples and hip-hop beats but it was rock and heavy and didn’t sound like BritPop. I saw the band and she was so striking. So beautiful but not conventionally so. The rest of the band looked like weird old men. I responded to that because they were freaks. I liked it. I saw an interview with Shirley and she was so forthright and very outspoken. Then that was it. I thought “this is what I’m into”.
What song should we listen to whilst reading about you?
Something by Garbage. I dunno though. I’d say either “Queer” by Garbage (for obvious reasons) or my favourite song is “Push It”.
Name five beautiful things in life. Tell me why you think they are beautiful.
Music. The reason why is because the same song can mean completely different things to completely different people. It can create some beautiful memories that can help you out. You do a lot of healing with music – not like panpipes – but you can stuff to people’s lives with music.
Random acts of kindness that happen between strangers. I quite like that. I like to do something nice in the moment. You might never see them again but you’ve had a moment where you’ve helped them out for no other reason than you’re another reason and I should help you. I find that beautiful but the way we are now is mistrusting and it doesn’t happen often. People don’t want their actions to be misconstrued and that’s a shame.
Connecting at the end of a night. I have so many memories of being with all my friends in a circle after a gig or club night and we would all be singing at each other at the top of our voices. Having that connection is really beautiful and something I always remember.
Support. I mean all types of support. It might mean nothing to one person but means something to someone else. Not necessarily being supportive, not like “I’m always there for you” but I have people on Facebook who never come to my shows or live near me but, for algorithms sake, they will share an event of mine. It helps with reach and that kind of support is beautiful. There are some people I haven’t seen since school but it’s that little “I’ve got you” wink can mean a lot to someone. It’s really strange that we don’t all do it. It doesn’t take a lot to support someone. It doesn’t have to be monetary either! It can be showing up or a recommendation or sending a playlist. Everything creates ripples in my head.
Purple is beautiful.
If you could sum up your life so far in one word, what would it be and why?
Long! [laughs] and Wide! No. There isn’t one word but it would be doing a little bit of everything. My thing is that, for years, I have tried to do so many different things. People might see that as a lack of focus but I am always looking for new things which I want to give a go and see where it takes me. Everything in my life has led onto something else. I met a guy at a job who wanted to go to gigs but didn’t have anyone to go with so I started going with him. We started a Facebook group where we reviewed the shows and then a magazine reached out to us to write articles for them but we had to take down the group on Facebook because we were taking all of their traffic. They didn’t say it in those express words but they wanted us. It reached a point where I could pick and choose what I wanted to go to because I was so reliable. That ended up with me going to BeachBreak festival to review for them. I got given free swag and backstage access which was amazing. I ended up blagging my way into various interviews and I met everyone on the bill: Friendly Fires, LadyHawke and shit loads of people. The pinnacle was Dizzee Rascal. I realised I didn’t mind doing that or being on camera and that got me into managing a band. I managed them for a little bit. Through managing a band, I started putting on my own gigs so we did the whole thing ourselves. I did it all: marketing; posters; social media. Through that, I realised I enjoyed putting on events which led into me doing makeup for Halloween gigs and then I wanted to be a special effects makeup artist. Then I did bits and bobs for magazines which, years later, fed into Punka. Everything felt random with me trying everything but it’s all followed on. For the past ten-fifteen years, I’ve done it all and it’s all paid off with Punka.
What do you think the meaning of your life is?
I don’t think we do know. I don’t think anyone’s life has to have meaning. It’s what you do with it that should matter. The legacy you leave. If you’re a bit of a shit in your life, that’s what you’ll be remembered for. If I’m only remembered for Punka, then I don’t mind that. Asking big questions like this is all good but it’s the little things you do which make bigger ripples in life which affects other people. Not being a dick is what I’m here for. I’m just trying to put a bit of positivity out.
After talking through all of this, what have you learnt about yourself or your life? What do you feel the need to reflect on?
I’ve learnt that I talk a lot. I love a natter. I’ve got a long way to go in the way I see myself in terms of my confidence in myself and my abilities. That’s my problem. This week has been a really good example. In my interview, I outlined my strengths and weaknesses. My weakness is that I can do whatever I put my mind to – anyone can – but the problem is my brain letting me do it. It’s that imposter syndrome. I’ve been at Punka and you have been like “look at this! You have created this!” but I can’t cope. It’s like something else happens. [Ed: “But it’s not because you have made that happen!”] Yeah, I know but my brain won’t let me think that! In the last year of Punka, I started getting up at the end of the show to say a few words and that has helped with a lot of confidence. That has spiralled into me being confident enough to do a music show and go live on Twitch which then gave me confidence to do a YouTube channel. I work on my confidence with all of these things but it doesn’t stop it from being a thing.
” I wanted a place where queer women could turn up and think “oh shit, this is for me. And also they are playing shit I listen to!” “
After Stu’s open and honest introduction, we decided to focus on his passion project and career path. It was so uplifting to discuss music, nightlife and events through a queer lens. Stu discussed his aversion to pop music, what transparency means to him and where he wants to take Punka in the future.
This is Stu’s middle eight (a personal favourite) and we really start to unpick what it means to be a human.
Stu’s pronouns are “he/him”.
What does a regular day in Stu’s mind look like?
Skatty. In my mind, I do struggle to get to a time where I’m constantly busy. I feel like I’ll do one or two things on my list of ten and think “oh I’ve achieved something so I’m okay” and then things build up. The world of TV is made for people who leave their dissertation to the night before and I am not one of those people. I don’t like the stress so I will tackle things as much as I can but I am also a bit of a procrastinator. A typical day in mind is just to get something done; just do something. Even if you only get one thing today, it’s something you don’t have to do tomorrow. That is my brain in a nutshell.
What part do relationships and love play in your daily life?
A fairly big part considering that me and Alessio have been pretty inseparable for the last 3 years. We rely on each other for a lot of things and I do really value his opinion. I just like spending time with him. This is the first proper relationship I have had. I’ve dated a lot and I’ve had 3 month things where I’ve realised the right things aren’t going on. But this is the one where it went bang and I knew. This is what I want. He moved here within 6 months of us knowing each other and we have lived together ever since. We very seldom argue about anything and if it is an argument, it’s about something small like what’s on TV. We are boring people who don’t row. I love the fact that every day he does something new which makes me laugh. That is fucking precious. It’s absolute gold. If some motherfucker can’t make me laugh then I don’t want to live with them. I feel like I’ve got a weird relationship in that sense because a lot of people who have met him don’t see that side of his humour as much. They don’t know him as well as they could and I think they would find out that he is ridiculously funny. Such a dry, British sense of humour which sometimes might come off as abrasive if people don’t know him but sometimes I quite like that. People don’t know him like I do. They don’t know we have really fucked up humour. We watch trashy TV, like Hoarders, and if we see a trailer about someone shitting in a bag and keeping it then we can’t wait! Relationships play a big part for me but I can only say I have been all in on this one.
What aspect of friendship do you value most?
Transparency. I say that instead of honesty because that feels easy. I like people who are able to turn around to me and say “I can’t come to your show because I am having a bad day” or “I’ve got the shits”. That transparency and honesty, I like that. There are people who will say “I will never turn up to your gigs” and I appreciate that. There are shady people who are my friends but have unfollowed me on Facebook so they don’t hear about my shit and don’t get invites. But there are people who don’t like the music but will share the event. If I get the transparency, and I know they are who they say they are and are honest with themselves, even if they don’t text back, then it’s something I accept because I don’t know the rest of their lives.
What do you do to make a positive impact on those/the world around you?
I guess this is a Punka thing for me. Even if my only legacy is creating this little club night, even if it’s only for a while and doesn’t go to other cities, I will know that I have given people a period of time where they felt like they were enjoying themselves and they were seen. I hope they understood what I was trying to do. I help as many charities as I can with the money from Punka. And I can proudly say I do pay my bands well. I have been called by a national promoter who said I was an “anomaly” [direct quote] in the sense that I pay all of my acts really well: from opening acts to headliner. I make sure everyone is paid well. That’s probably why they come back. I don’t tend to chase people because they come to me. If anything, I am hoping my impact will be that you can be a gig promoter and, maybe not make as much money for you but, still help others. It doesn’t have to be paying them in exposure because you can’t pay for petrol with exposure. Creating a little corner of the queer scene in Bristol is what I wanted.
What do you do to stay motivated?
Not a lot. At the minute, it’s quite difficult. When we weren’t in the end times, it was thing like my hobbies: “Button Mash” at Kongs or “Punka”. It was having something to work for. Each one has its own mini marketing campaign in my head. Having that motivates me to think “oh shit, you’ve got this thing which you need to do well. You need to sell tickets for it and you need to do this” and that reminds me that I have stuff to get on with. That can ultimately motivate me to do other things. There’s an end goal for certain things and that end goal is each event.
What was the deciding factor to get into gig promoting?
In the vein of me wanting to be seen and heard, which is a massive part of my personality, one of the reasons why we created Punka is because I felt there wasn’t much of an alternative queer scene. There were little rumblings of things – like “Pyschodrama” and Claire’s “Wig in a Box” – but there wasn’t anywhere where I could see people going to queer gigs or just having indie nights. I felt like I wasn’t being seen that much. I could go on a night out and hear the same music in every bar. I don’t know what a fucking Ariana Grande song sounds like! Well it sounds like everything else… As much as every kind of music has its place, I don’t have an affinity with pop music. I find it superficial. People have deep connections with every kind of music but I find pop music very surface level and superficial and that’s why I wanted something more. When we created it [Punka], it was a way of me finding a place where I could go. I would go to gigs like Skunk Anansie or Placebo, see loads of queer people there and then see them on a night out awkwardly dancing to Gina G in the bear bar. I would see them and think “we don’t belong here”. There was no place for queer women because everything is geared towards to cis gay men. We are the main demographic. It’s weird because we are not as acceptable as queer women on TV. In terms of representation, lesbians seem to be a bit more palatable for some people. But somehow everything gets geared towards us [cis gay men]. I wanted a place where queer women could turn up and think “oh shit, this is for me. And also they are playing shit I listen to!”. It was more a case of making something that a lot of people would enjoy, having a little bit about the performance side of things but also creating a safe space for people to feel understood and have a platform. A lot of queer punk bands find it hard to find gigs where they are not just the opening band for representation. It’s a lot of box ticking and I didn’t want that.
How does your Punka link to your personal life? How do you think it affects your sense of accomplishment day to day?
Can you repeat the question? I don’t want to go on! In terms of it affecting my day to day life it does in a sense that I have things to work towards. I am a people pleaser. I really am. It’s hard for me to say because it’s a phrase that has negative connotations to it. A bit like the word “selfish”. I can use that for me and think “yeah, I am selfish. I don’t want kids. I want to keep my stuff going”. I like doing the things I like and there is nothing wrong with that. Selfish isn’t always a bad thing and being a people pleaser isn’t either. I don’t do it to the detriment of me but I like to be active in certain groups and post things which people interact with. That gives me an endorphin hit. I like when people interact with the Punka page every so often. I could throw out 5 music videos in one day and there will be one which someone responds to and if carries on into this huge conversation. I find that great because it’s given someone a lift that day. That is my people pleasing mind taking over. I think “this is the thing you like to do”. In terms of the logistics though, I was always planning things for Punka: sort the DJ, buy t-shirts to sell. It was something which became a pet project. There was always something to pick me up and feel a lot better after a shit day at work. There was something on the horizon. Knowing I was doing a club night on Friday kept me going. I just thought “everything is sweet but I have to get to that point”. There is a part of my brain, though, which doesn’t feel any confidence in what I do. Even though it’s got quite a lot of followers and has a good reputation, something tells me “nobody really likes Punka. Nobody takes it seriously.”. This is what my brain does to me. It fucks me up. It wasn’t until this year when I found a box of old Punka t-shirts which I put back out and so many people bought. I made a good chunk of money. People wanted to buy this merch and wear this logo which I scrawled on a scrap piece of paper ages ago. It gave me the biggest boost. It made me think things will be alright after this. It made me book two shows: one I have announced and another in November. I thought “oh shit, take this seriously now and stop being down on yourself.”. My brain is always down on itself. I mess myself up a lot in terms of confidence. But Punka is my baby and is doing really well so I think “maybe I am doing really well too?”
What is your “end goal” in terms of a professional target/life?
My dream end goal, the way I see it if I was some fucking crazy person who trusted other people in other cities, would be for Punka to become a staple of the queer scene. I would want it to be a name that people would trust. I want to do an indie/rock club night for queer people that mainly plays female fronted indie or rock. All the things which are underrepresented. I would want one in every city. It would be a queer Ramshackle. That would be the dream if I trusted other people to not fuck it up! I would love to take a Punka line up to other cities. Maybe I would take a band, a couple of burlesque artists and some drag queens to another city and say “this is what’s going on in Bristol. How are you guys doing?”. We could work with another drag house in another city or a band that is doing well there. We could make it a Punka night which would move there.
HOW TO BE; 