It felt natural that I moved from one close friend to another, someone who I don’t see enough of. Hayley has never been one to talk openly about her feelings and aspirations so these conversations felt needed yet organic. In this first part of her interview, Hayley discusses her time in the army, how the NHS has struggled duing COVID as well as just how much her friends’ deaths have affected her.
Hayley’s pronouns are “she/her”.
Before we start, let’s get to know you in 30 seconds.
My name is Hayley Joyce, if everyone wants to know that. I’m 29. I’m in my twenties, literally counting down the days until I’m old and then – mid life crisis. Shit! Anyway, I’m a nursing assistant in a children’s hospital and I work in day surgery so children will come in and have simple procedures then go home on the same day. I have a crazy dog called Daisy and a beautiful boyfriend who I live in Bristol with. Oh and I love musicals!
What do you do for a living? Is it your passion/something you really enjoy?
I guess a lot of people ask this question: “Am I in the right job? What would I do differently if I could pick anything?” The answer is: I have no idea what else I would do. Healthcare is all I have ever done. After leaving school, I went to college and did health and social care then I joined the army as a medic and then my path has followed on from that! I went to do health care at the hospital as a nursing assistant. I do enjoy it even though all of my friends think I don’t like children yet I work at a children’s hospital which sounds crazy but I think children are a lot easier to work with. In terms of working with adults in a hospital, it’s a lot more physical work (like personal care and mobility aid) but the parents are generally there with the children. Over time, I have grown to like children and I’ve had a niece and a nephew in the past few years so I know how to be around children now. Before, I was like “oh, here’s a baby. What do I do now it’s crying?!”.
Reflect on your mental/physical health. Do you look after yourself enough? What methods do you practice to ensure you’re well?
I love food. I am probably on the obese side if you saw my BMI but I’ve been taking part in a boot camp: Tom [partner] and I joined in July and we are still going. Everyone is surprised we are still committed. Four times a week I will exercise. I try to eat healthy but I love sweet things. Exercise is helping so I go for a lot of runs because it’s nice to be outside. All of the fitness classes are happening on zoom in my living room and I find myself getting lost easily so getting out helps to clear my mind.
Do you consider yourself to have a solid support network e.g big circle of close friends, great family etc?
Yeah, definitely. There’s a group of us that left school and we are still friends. With Jyothi passing away, we are so close and that brought us closer. We don’t see each other a lot but that has bonded us for life. Family too, yeah. Lockdown hasn’t helped. My relationship with my mum is a weird one and I have found it difficult not being able to see my family often. I have a great relationship with my dad and step-mum. Lockdown rules have meant I’m not seeing my nephew as much as I’d like. I like to think my family is supportive though.
Where do you find daily inspiration?
I would say I’m quite a boring person so this is hard. I just get on with it. What gets me out of bed in the morning? I don’t know! I just do it. I’ve got to pay bills and stay busy. That’s a bit of a shit answer, isn’t it? Maybe it’s something you do naturally and don’t really think about it. I like to keep busy and I get bored if I’m not doing something.
What type of relationship did you have with your family whilst growing up?
My parents separated when I was 5. My dad was always around but my mum’s dad lived with us: he was a role model for us growing up. He was a father figure even though my dad was around too. We loved my grandad and when he passed away it was really sad. I would describe my mum as not being motherly. We weren’t very huggy or kissy and we never had that relationship. She wasn’t someone I could go and talk to. We weren’t really like that. I think this is why I have developed quite a close relationship with my friend’s parents. Maybe I was looking for a bond that I missed out on.
What has your experience with COVID been like?
To be honest, it’s not actually been that bad. Especially working in the hospital, children haven’t been affected too much compared to adults. After the peak of Christmas and New Year, when the numbers spiked, children’s day surgery got cancelled in the middle of January and our ward turned into an adult in-patient ward to help out another hospital. They didn’t have any beds left. That was a big change and I hadn’t looked after adults for a very long time. It’s a 24 hour service and I worked every weekend. It was difficult because it was physically hard work: I would come home so tired and it was taking all of my energy. Being on your own as a nursing assistant is really hard because the nurses crack on and do meds on their rounds and you can feel alone. There were some really hard things which happened and that annoyed or upset me. I don’t know how I feel about it. If we had extra help, we could have met all of those needs. We could have helped more. That really frustrated me. But now I think to myself “maybe I’ve done something which helped others during COVID?” and I think I have. Home life has been fine. In the first lockdown, Tom and I argued over petty things but it’s definitely affected a lot of relationships. Nobody we know got ill from COVID, thank God.
What do you think is the first thing people notice/think about you?
I’m just so blunt. I say it how it is. Is that nice? I tend to think that people look at me and think I’m average: dark hair, average height. We all blend in the same. My personality shines through.
What is the biggest hardship you have faced in your life?
Friends’ deaths. It’s happened twice in my life and I’m not even 30 yet. I’m getting upset, I’m sorry. It’s coming up to an anniversary now and I think it will be one of those I’ll never be able to talk about without getting upset. I know she has loads to be remembered for but you can’t help think of the sad things. I’m crying about this so maybe I’m not dead on the inside. I don’t think people realise how much it’s affected me because of how it happened. We don’t know how it happened. It was in Canada but it wasn’t simple and we don’t have answers. It’s a bizarre story. It was the shock of it for me. With Rob, we knew he had cancer and we knew the diagnosis wasn’t great. It was still a shock but we sort of expected it because there was nothing else anyone could do. But this one, it was a shock. She was travelling, living her dream, seeing the world and then gone. You’ve got to be strong and it’s sad and I will have these moments where I’m upset but life does move on and you have to move forward. These people wouldn’t want me to live life as a miserable mess forever: they would be like “get out there and see the world!”. Jyothi enjoyed that and I want to be like that.
Hayley’s next 8 questions will feature on Wednesday.
You can see more of what Hayley has been up to on her Instagram.
HOW TO BE; 