After meaningful conversations with friends, I always come always feeling inspired; reflective and motivated. The same can be said for this blog. I get to listen back to the interviews, relive the memories, pick apart what people have said and ask the whole world to celebrate them with me. Once each post has gone live, I am thrilled that more people get to read about these incredible people and get a glimpse into what makes them human.
I invite you all into an open letter to each of my guests after their final blog has been posted. I want to outline what their slices of honesty mean to me and how they better help me to understand people. If nothing else, see this as a bookmark in their story.
Dear Stu,
It means the world to me that you would open up so honestly about the challenges you have faced in your life and then let them be shared for the world to see. I truly believe that the things you have spoken about have helped people already and that can only continue with more of these conversations.
As I said before, I have never really had a chance to connect with you on this level until now and this whole conversation felt genuine, respected and important: like reciprocal therapy. We both see things through a queer lens (well, moreso than the heterosexuals we are friends with) but your perspective is so strong and sure of itself – like you. I know you struggle with your confidence but, when listening to you discuss your passions and life, it’s clear that you want to be seen and heard and you definitely are. The way you support, encourage, empower and celebrate our community is nothing short of inspirational and I am learning to use my voice more to be heard. That is something you have taught me so thank you.
You have an unapologetic love for people and things which are important to you and you are not afraid to show your interest and support through any medium. From hearing about your history with your dad and your sexuality, it would be so easy to hold on to so much shame in your adult life but you have this sense of shamelessness (in the very best way) which allows people in. Your interests and intentions are clear, you wear your heart on your sleeve and you want to challenge others around you to better understand you and themselves. That takes real bravery and resilience, things you are well equipped with. You have turned these negative experiences into positive traits and that is something hard to teach but I am learning, alongside you.
Punka is a concrete legacy you will leave behind: not least the actual nights you have organised but the community that comes attached to it. You have made a safe space for us queer weirdos (queerdos?) and I only hope that one day you will recognise the importance of that. I wholeheartedly understand this imposter syndrome that you struggle with, I think we all do, but I like to think to that after reading through these interviews, you will see just how humble, gracious, loved and important you are. My respect for you continues to grow every day, especially after you let me into these nooks and crannies of your life.
We will continue to solider through this weird life together: as queer people, as lovers of Italian men and as friends.
You, of all people, know what it means to be; Stu.
” I wanted a place where queer women could turn up and think “oh shit, this is for me. And also they are playing shit I listen to!” “
After Stu’s open and honest introduction, we decided to focus on his passion project and career path. It was so uplifting to discuss music, nightlife and events through a queer lens. Stu discussed his aversion to pop music, what transparency means to him and where he wants to take Punka in the future.
This is Stu’s middle eight (a personal favourite) and we really start to unpick what it means to be a human.
Stu’s pronouns are “he/him”.
What does a regular day in Stu’s mind look like?
Skatty. In my mind, I do struggle to get to a time where I’m constantly busy. I feel like I’ll do one or two things on my list of ten and think “oh I’ve achieved something so I’m okay” and then things build up. The world of TV is made for people who leave their dissertation to the night before and I am not one of those people. I don’t like the stress so I will tackle things as much as I can but I am also a bit of a procrastinator. A typical day in mind is just to get something done; just do something. Even if you only get one thing today, it’s something you don’t have to do tomorrow. That is my brain in a nutshell.
What part do relationships and love play in your daily life?
A fairly big part considering that me and Alessio have been pretty inseparable for the last 3 years. We rely on each other for a lot of things and I do really value his opinion. I just like spending time with him. This is the first proper relationship I have had. I’ve dated a lot and I’ve had 3 month things where I’ve realised the right things aren’t going on. But this is the one where it went bang and I knew. This is what I want. He moved here within 6 months of us knowing each other and we have lived together ever since. We very seldom argue about anything and if it is an argument, it’s about something small like what’s on TV. We are boring people who don’t row. I love the fact that every day he does something new which makes me laugh. That is fucking precious. It’s absolute gold. If some motherfucker can’t make me laugh then I don’t want to live with them. I feel like I’ve got a weird relationship in that sense because a lot of people who have met him don’t see that side of his humour as much. They don’t know him as well as they could and I think they would find out that he is ridiculously funny. Such a dry, British sense of humour which sometimes might come off as abrasive if people don’t know him but sometimes I quite like that. People don’t know him like I do. They don’t know we have really fucked up humour. We watch trashy TV, like Hoarders, and if we see a trailer about someone shitting in a bag and keeping it then we can’t wait! Relationships play a big part for me but I can only say I have been all in on this one.
What aspect of friendship do you value most?
Transparency. I say that instead of honesty because that feels easy. I like people who are able to turn around to me and say “I can’t come to your show because I am having a bad day” or “I’ve got the shits”. That transparency and honesty, I like that. There are people who will say “I will never turn up to your gigs” and I appreciate that. There are shady people who are my friends but have unfollowed me on Facebook so they don’t hear about my shit and don’t get invites. But there are people who don’t like the music but will share the event. If I get the transparency, and I know they are who they say they are and are honest with themselves, even if they don’t text back, then it’s something I accept because I don’t know the rest of their lives.
What do you do to make a positive impact on those/the world around you?
I guess this is a Punka thing for me. Even if my only legacy is creating this little club night, even if it’s only for a while and doesn’t go to other cities, I will know that I have given people a period of time where they felt like they were enjoying themselves and they were seen. I hope they understood what I was trying to do. I help as many charities as I can with the money from Punka. And I can proudly say I do pay my bands well. I have been called by a national promoter who said I was an “anomaly” [direct quote] in the sense that I pay all of my acts really well: from opening acts to headliner. I make sure everyone is paid well. That’s probably why they come back. I don’t tend to chase people because they come to me. If anything, I am hoping my impact will be that you can be a gig promoter and, maybe not make as much money for you but, still help others. It doesn’t have to be paying them in exposure because you can’t pay for petrol with exposure. Creating a little corner of the queer scene in Bristol is what I wanted.
What do you do to stay motivated?
Not a lot. At the minute, it’s quite difficult. When we weren’t in the end times, it was thing like my hobbies: “Button Mash” at Kongs or “Punka”. It was having something to work for. Each one has its own mini marketing campaign in my head. Having that motivates me to think “oh shit, you’ve got this thing which you need to do well. You need to sell tickets for it and you need to do this” and that reminds me that I have stuff to get on with. That can ultimately motivate me to do other things. There’s an end goal for certain things and that end goal is each event.
What was the deciding factor to get into gig promoting?
In the vein of me wanting to be seen and heard, which is a massive part of my personality, one of the reasons why we created Punka is because I felt there wasn’t much of an alternative queer scene. There were little rumblings of things – like “Pyschodrama” and Claire’s “Wig in a Box” – but there wasn’t anywhere where I could see people going to queer gigs or just having indie nights. I felt like I wasn’t being seen that much. I could go on a night out and hear the same music in every bar. I don’t know what a fucking Ariana Grande song sounds like! Well it sounds like everything else… As much as every kind of music has its place, I don’t have an affinity with pop music. I find it superficial. People have deep connections with every kind of music but I find pop music very surface level and superficial and that’s why I wanted something more. When we created it [Punka], it was a way of me finding a place where I could go. I would go to gigs like Skunk Anansie or Placebo, see loads of queer people there and then see them on a night out awkwardly dancing to Gina G in the bear bar. I would see them and think “we don’t belong here”. There was no place for queer women because everything is geared towards to cis gay men. We are the main demographic. It’s weird because we are not as acceptable as queer women on TV. In terms of representation, lesbians seem to be a bit more palatable for some people. But somehow everything gets geared towards us [cis gay men]. I wanted a place where queer women could turn up and think “oh shit, this is for me. And also they are playing shit I listen to!”. It was more a case of making something that a lot of people would enjoy, having a little bit about the performance side of things but also creating a safe space for people to feel understood and have a platform. A lot of queer punk bands find it hard to find gigs where they are not just the opening band for representation. It’s a lot of box ticking and I didn’t want that.
How does your Punka link to your personal life? How do you think it affects your sense of accomplishment day to day?
Can you repeat the question? I don’t want to go on! In terms of it affecting my day to day life it does in a sense that I have things to work towards. I am a people pleaser. I really am. It’s hard for me to say because it’s a phrase that has negative connotations to it. A bit like the word “selfish”. I can use that for me and think “yeah, I am selfish. I don’t want kids. I want to keep my stuff going”. I like doing the things I like and there is nothing wrong with that. Selfish isn’t always a bad thing and being a people pleaser isn’t either. I don’t do it to the detriment of me but I like to be active in certain groups and post things which people interact with. That gives me an endorphin hit. I like when people interact with the Punka page every so often. I could throw out 5 music videos in one day and there will be one which someone responds to and if carries on into this huge conversation. I find that great because it’s given someone a lift that day. That is my people pleasing mind taking over. I think “this is the thing you like to do”. In terms of the logistics though, I was always planning things for Punka: sort the DJ, buy t-shirts to sell. It was something which became a pet project. There was always something to pick me up and feel a lot better after a shit day at work. There was something on the horizon. Knowing I was doing a club night on Friday kept me going. I just thought “everything is sweet but I have to get to that point”. There is a part of my brain, though, which doesn’t feel any confidence in what I do. Even though it’s got quite a lot of followers and has a good reputation, something tells me “nobody really likes Punka. Nobody takes it seriously.”. This is what my brain does to me. It fucks me up. It wasn’t until this year when I found a box of old Punka t-shirts which I put back out and so many people bought. I made a good chunk of money. People wanted to buy this merch and wear this logo which I scrawled on a scrap piece of paper ages ago. It gave me the biggest boost. It made me think things will be alright after this. It made me book two shows: one I have announced and another in November. I thought “oh shit, take this seriously now and stop being down on yourself.”. My brain is always down on itself. I mess myself up a lot in terms of confidence. But Punka is my baby and is doing really well so I think “maybe I am doing really well too?”
What is your “end goal” in terms of a professional target/life?
My dream end goal, the way I see it if I was some fucking crazy person who trusted other people in other cities, would be for Punka to become a staple of the queer scene. I would want it to be a name that people would trust. I want to do an indie/rock club night for queer people that mainly plays female fronted indie or rock. All the things which are underrepresented. I would want one in every city. It would be a queer Ramshackle. That would be the dream if I trusted other people to not fuck it up! I would love to take a Punka line up to other cities. Maybe I would take a band, a couple of burlesque artists and some drag queens to another city and say “this is what’s going on in Bristol. How are you guys doing?”. We could work with another drag house in another city or a band that is doing well there. We could make it a Punka night which would move there.
HOW TO BE; 